Never Again Forget - Saint Merielle Silene

[LeslieMS]

[ONEHUNDRED AND NINETY-THIRD ENTRY]

The day passed quietly… the calm before yet another storm… I can’t really remember much of the day now that I think about it. I sewed dresses. I chatted with Siveyn, with Aya. There was talk of faith and such. A bit of a near scuffle with some Orc. Even a Thayan and a Drow. Despite those minor ills… and I say minor because the Thayan seemed not to care, and with Rith and Siveyn around… the Drow didn’t last long. It’s all a blur of lost thought now.

My heart is heavy with silent grief and anger. Not grief of the death of a murderer… But the grief of the loss of the man that used to be, and despite all my hope and effort, will not be any longer… Hasn’t been, perhaps for some time. Anger? At him? At myself? At those who do not understand the thoughts kept to myself? More questions than I can ever find answers to…

'Merielle, may we speak?'

His tone was more serious than normal. When I looked from the dress I was sewing for such a happy occasion… to the face of my brother, my heart sank.

‘Of course Jonas. Is everything alright, brother?’

I knew his answer before he spoke it. Even as I gathered my things, I felt the gravity of something to come. He regarded me silently a long moment before he answered.

'No.'

‘Lead the way.’

I nodded and turned to follow. It was then that I saw two guards dragging Emrys across the bridge.

'You are henceforth banished from these lands; and marked so.'

They dropped him unceremoniously to his knees and turned on their heels. Jonas’ frown deepened as I looked between them. Emrys barely so much as glanced at me when he stood and walked southward. Had I known that was the last time I would ever see him… I might have offered more than a prayer. I did not though, instead I hurried after Jonas, glancing at Emrys worriedly. Siomir stood there, on the bridge a few feet back, quiet. Simply watching. Jonas murmured to him. He simply nodded and smiled that odd smile, and walked on.

Nothing was said until we reached the orphanage. Juna said that Ali had gone to tend things at the temple, and Inara, ever the night owl like her father… was waiting patiently for myself or her parents. Jonas gathered the small girl of nearly two years, and smiled. It was a short lived moment.

‘Why don’t you sit.’

I nodded and moved to the dining table, thankful that everyone was asleep. I watched the storm that had brewed silently all day break suddenly. Jonas’ voice was soft, barely heard… But his words carried the thunder, and a torrent of emotion.

‘I just got out of a murder trial. The accused was Emrys, Meri. The victim was Dajala.’

I blinked at him. His gaze remained level.

‘What? Why?’

His tone remained level and soft.

'I still do not know. Based on the evidence, which was insubstantial, and the testimony, which conflicted greatly. . . I had him banished and branded. It was the most I could do, short of execution.'

I stared at him a long while.

‘I don't understand... I know... Billy's death effected him badly... but murder? I should have paid closer attention.’

'You cannot see all things, sister.'

‘No but I should see the coming fall of one who was once so close to my side it took a god to separate us.’

'And though we feel responsible for everyone, you and I, at the end of the day, each person is responsible for themselves.'

I looked at him a long moment. I realized slowly that things were worse than I thought. That I had failed him.

'Dajala was found in a pool of her own blood by Siomir and Joan. She was resurrected. I can tell she is not pleased with me allowing him to live. He says they went there to summon an angel. And she summoned a pit fiend instead. That she banished it and he left. Yet Siomir found her dead, with boot prints in the blood that he says match Emrys' boots.'

‘An angel? why would he…?’

'I know I was lied to. I just don't know how much, and by who. If he is caught connected to anything like this again, I will push for execution. I wanted you to be aware.'

All his research… our last conversation.

‘I know he was seeking a way to undo the contract forced on him for his sister's sake... that lead to his possession... but what I don't understand is why he didn't come to me for help? Or what he meant to do…’

'You refer to his pact. He is a pact maker.'

‘Not of his choosing directly, and I know the truth of this. Not because he chose power.’

'There is always a choice.'

‘Yes, he chose. Rightly in my eyes, for it was a choice of mercy. He took his sister's place... his parents bartered her for power... he took her place. Instead of her being bound to the lower planes, instead of her being possessed. He was.’

'I suppose I cannot say I would not have done the same.'

My words were quiet, my thoughts a torrent, and Jonas listened quietly as I spoke… Rambling bits really. My mind ran over the moments, good or ill so rapidly my words could barely keep pace. I could not say for certain what bits I actually spoke aloud or what bits were merely thoughts…

I helped rid him of the ones that possessed him...

'I offered help to see it set right…'

…because he did make the martyr’s choice. That was the exorcism, before Billy… I didn’t tell him about my own resulting possession. The moment never seemed right.

We were dealing with the Bhaalists. He stood by me when no one else would. When the other Ilmatari turned on me, called me blasphemous. When I was banished from the city for my choices… He stood. When I felt lost, outnumbered… He Stood. Always, never so far from me, as others left because they grew tired, or died, or lost hope, it was he who stood, who helped keep me focused.

And then… When Billy died. He changed. He had gotten so close to faith before that. It was lost in that temple sanctum. I lost him then, the very moment I lost Billy, I lost my most loyal friend. He was angry over Billy’s death. Blamed Ilmater… and to a lesser extent, me. We barely spoke for a while… But I didn’t give up on him. We spoke a few times… Sometimes it ended in us screaming at each other, but eventually we apologized.

He was researching… trying to undo what was thrust on him wrongly. To make his soul his own. He said when he knew what needed to be done he would let me help. That was a few months ago. I've hardly seen him since. He’s been away… said when he knew something he would tell me.

'I should have paid closer attention...'

Been more insistent. Something. Instead I got wrapped up in helping Tessian… then the wedding… and then the Drow… and Soulkeep… I failed him.

I have failed many. Many of them very dear…

Inara climbed from her father’s arms and made her way to me, that short distance, her tiny legs covered with determination. She climbed up into my lap and looked at me. I know that she is not quite two… I know she didn’t understand our words… but with an understanding of something far greater, a small hand brushed my cheek.

‘Hello, Little Darling.’

'We do what we can with what we have, Meri. You know we are not perfect, do not berate yourself.'

Inara provided a bit of a distraction… more rather a softening to the blow. My thoughts raged, but for her sake I was calm and collected. Why didn’t he come to me. I would do whatever I could for him and not even hesitate… and now he had gotten himself banished… For murder… and not just any run of the mill murder. Dajala, who’s father was pretty well connected in Evermeet. Dajala, who was a standing council member of Doron Amar… I might be merciful… Jonas may have been… but what of the elves?

‘I am alright enough darling. Aunt Meri will be okay. I promise… I know, Jonas... but I can't help but feel lately I have been selfish. Wrapped up in things with Tessian... and then the wedding and then everything else... and ... Everything.’

'We all need a little time for ourselves now and then. Lest we forget what we fight for.'

‘Yes and I took months and look what came of such.’

'He made his choices. Do not dwell on the past. That is my flaw.'

I nodded… my thoughts were then torn between Inara, and Dajala and Vauk who arrived. The conversation shifted to Inara, as I thought and wondered. Not so much what could be different, but what could be done now to mend it. He was of course still alive and thus savable…

We all talked for a while. I let myself cling to that hope, and soak up the gentle support Jonas offered. I let myself smile for Inara’s sake. It wasn’t until Rith and Siomir joined us that the true weight settled on me. His words were ambiguous for the sake of the child in my lap.

‘It is done.’

I didn’t need to know anything more than that. The hope to salvage his soul banished in the relieved look of Dajala… and the simple, but final words. Inara had fallen asleep finally, and Jonas would take her, go to see Ali at the temple… and walk them both safely home… Vauk would also leave. Dajala sat across from me, Siomir at the head of the table.

Rith chose a place next to me… Without a word, she hugged me and remained. She knew how dear Emrys was… they likely all did… and this was her way of offering me a measure of comfort. I drank it in silently. I didn’t say anything. I knew they might not understand. I didn’t grieve the murderer who had been found guilty and killed… I grieved a dear friend lost. Not the one he had become… not the man he had died as, but the man he was. I listened to the conversations in relative silence… my thoughts getting chased by ‘what ifs’.

‘At least I haven’t failed you yet…’

I whispered quietly to Rith. She gave me a bit of a hug.

‘You never will.’

I had thought that of Emrys… and Ian… and Billy… and Dianne… I know I am not perfect… I know I can’t save them all, but it would be nice, and I cannot help but hope for such. It doesn’t ease the passing of dear ones… especially when they fall so far into shadow. Especially knowing where his path has lead him. Could I have changed it? I know I cannot walk his path for him… but could I have guided him better? Away from the fate he now suffers, and on a kinder path?

At some point the conversation turned political… about a certain group in black cloaks. I offered what I could in the way of thoughts and observations, truths and wisdoms… prayed it was useful. I was weary. I made polite excuses to find rest. Rith had left during the course of the earlier part of the conversation, and so had Rhys. It was only Dajala and Siomir, and they were kind enough to respect my wish for rest and peace. Siomir kissed the top of my head and whispered as he readied to leave.

‘It was quick... and merciful.’

I nodded mutedly. While I had no doubt he found death swiftly… his eternity would not be so kind. It was Emrys’ choice. I only wish that it was a choice he hadn’t made… or didn’t need to make. With that… I was left to my thoughts. Sleep wouldn’t find me, no matter what I tried, so I gathered the flowers I had, which hadn’t been drowned by the rains.

I stepped out into the night… with so much rain, the saturated ground was little more than mud held together by the roots of drowned grass. I found the rain fitting… as none could see the tears, but had my hood up none the less. A wreath was made. There in that place where we had shared so many conversations, at the cliffs near Candlekeep… A wreath fell to the sea below. Tears swallowed by the sea, angry words tossed to the wind and rain.

‘If I failed you, my friend… I beg your forgiveness. If it was not my failing… or in your power to forgive… then I pray that somehow… a measure of mercy finds you. I wished you had let me help. I ask your forgiveness that I am angry with you for pushing me away. I do not mourn the death of a murderer… deserved or not… but the Loss of a friend. You were a good man. I grieve for what you were. I am sorry. Merciful Ilmater, forgive that which needs forgiving.’
~~

[LeslieMS]

[ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-FOURTH ENTRY]

A busy day. My thoughts are scattered for it. It started slowly at least. There was duty first at the orphanage and second at the temple. Then I made my way to the edge of town. I spoke with young Aya. She is very nervous about her initiation. Poor dear. I remember being in her place. Still I offered what encouragement I could. Just as Iliara offered to me, and I know now it did little to ease her heart as Iliara’s words did mine. Still, we do what we can.

Siomir kidnapped Joan from Candlekeep as I requested, and the three of us happily discussed wedding plans. Most importantly I got the last few measurements for her dress. We discussed food, and other grand bits. Seems Rith will be a bride’s maid. She has asked me to explain the wedding customs to her as best as I can. We have plenty of time as a date is yet to be set. We know where though, and have the means among us to see this goes well. I have been given an unexpected honor… I have been asked to wed them! I forget sometimes that such things are in my doing now, but it is a grand thing indeed.

So many weddings and happy couples… So many faces of those thought lost or forgotten… or dead. Among two such faces, first Leo. Safely returned from her journey, though I feared her heart had not found what it had sought. She missed Ramas terribly. I could do little to comfort her but offer my shoulder to her, which she accepted as we stood and passed the day in conversation.

Siveyn, who has been around a bit more of late, was for a time arguing with Rith over her right to terrorize Siomir. While I doubt Siveyn meant any ill by it, she took it rather personal. I think all this talk of weddings and love and what not is wearing on her. She feels lonely. I worry for her. She can take things far too seriously and personally some times. Time will ease that I think. Her confidence will return to her, and she will see herself in better light. I do not doubt that. Rith stalked off though by the end of the conversation with Siveyn, who went back to guarding over my shoulder. Well the shoulder not occupied by a distraught Leo…

So imagine my surprise when a familiar face, clad in hues of brilliant red sauntered toward our group. None said a word as he moved quietly to the other side of Leo. I was surprised to see him, and knew that at the moment Leo’s poor eye sight had not given the surprise away. Her head rest on my shoulder still, and hid him from view. Fortunately it also hid from her, my beaming smile. Seems the melancholy of her heart was to be short lived this day. She fidgeted as the crowd got steadily louder. It wasn’t until she turned to leave, nearly running over Ramas, that she was aware he was there… I could not help but grin happily.

‘Oh! Pardon me Si-- Huh?’

Ramas steadied her easily enough and she stared at him quietly a moment.

‘It is good to see you again.’

‘It has been a little while--’

His response cut short as Leo started to beat away at his chest. He allowed her such… did not move away, instead looked down at her. She spoke near tears, her words punctuated by her small fists thumping his armor.

‘Where… In… The Nine… -Hells-… Have…You… Been?!’

The pounding stopped as she hugged him and burst into tears. He looked down at her and spoke, rather surprised.

‘Did you not receive my letters? I had them posted here, but never received word back. I was beginning to worry!’

The two murmured softly. I merely smiled, and made my way back toward the campfire to sit down. Aya followed suit of course. I went back to sewing, allowing the varying bits of conversation to reach my ears, the emotions and the bits of hope, a balm amid shadowed thoughts. For a time the shadows of famine and undead and grief were pushed away.

Kal had asked to speak with me then, and so it was that I made my way to the place she stood. I smiled, but only until the seriousness of the situation was apparent. She worried for the child… and as the conversation continued… so did I. By what she told me she had dealt with and endured… it was miraculous I was even able to sense life in the infant. She was not yet to term, but I could hardly assure her that the child would survive that long.

The pain in her face wrenched my own heart. I saw something familiar in her eyes. The want of a child… and the very distinct fear of losing it now, when so close to holding such a thing. We hastily discussed our options. What little chance of surviving the child had… would be better served outside the womb… and even that was no guarantee. I sent her south to seek a safe place to give birth, along with some herbs to induce labor. I then made hurried good byes to the others, and ran to the city to get some supplies. There wouldn’t be much time.

My hurried flight from the city did not go unnoticed. By Rith. The one I wished to spare from what duty bid me to do. She would not understand. I knew it would anger and hurt her. She would see it as a slight against her.

‘Meri… What’s wrong?’

‘Not now Rith... I need to hurry. Please.’

Trent and Kald were there too.

‘What’s wrong!?’

‘Rith. I am sorry. You will not like what I am off to do nor will you understand, but it is my duty. I cannot expect you to like it, and I do understand why … But I have to hurry.’

Kald spoke then.

‘Then we'll come.’

‘At least take my brothers…They are going to go anyways.’

‘Please. There is little time and the matter is... Private.’

Trent spoke now, to Rith.

‘No, I am not. Not if she insists.’

‘Please. I cannot properly deliver a baby and expect the mother or child to survive if she is stressed! Trust me please and leave me to my work. I am bound by faith to do this. She asked this to be private.’

It was not much of a stretch for Rith to figure things out. I watched dismayed as anger twisted her lovely features.

‘Fine go help them breed more… Every single one of them born… hurts me.’

I looked at her. I felt bad. Duty first. Always… and yet to see it twist her so… My heart was heavy with the choice… one that would leave dear friends slighted.

‘Rith this is my duty… Regardless of who she is or what or how you perceive it. It is not my intention to hurt you. I can only ask your forgiveness…’

I bore her angry words unquestioningly. A torn look was all I could offer. One more apology before she stalked away.

‘Rith, I am sorry. Please… I must do this. Please.’

I watched her walk away and offered a prayer before looking to Trent and Kald.

‘I must hurry. I am sorry. I will be safe. I just need to be swift. I ask your trust… please. I know you wish to keep me safe, but…’

‘Do so. . . but may I ask you return our trust and allow us to follow at a distance?’

‘It is not my place to betray such, with respect, Trent. I gave her my word.’

‘We'll not intervene unless lives are endangered. I know more than you may suspect, I wish to be sure they are safe.’

‘Mercy of Ilmater... it hardly matters... if she hasn't already lost the child…’

‘Then…’

I nodded to Trent with a sigh.

‘Be swift… and stay back.’

Kald looked to Trent and then to me and nodded.

‘Go.’

We took off at a run. By the time we made it there, Kald and Trent barred the gates into the abandoned bandit camp. Kal was covered in blood and sweat. A small infant… so very small… and very near death, cradled in her arms. Her enormous bear stood guard, but I hardly noticed the beast, even as Kal commanded the bear not to attack. Already I was drawing supplies from my pack, doing what could be done to increase the baby’s chances. Even then… I was afraid it wouldn’t be enough. I prayed … so many prayers.

I spoke hushed, trying to soften the blow for her as best I could. I gave her several tonics that might help improve his health, but I knew of little else I could do. My heart broke as her eyes filled with tears.

‘Peace Kal, you must be strong for both your sakes. His mother survived well despite bad odds, perhaps he shall share her stubbornness.’

I gave her a great deal of supplies, blessed both mother and child… and still I prayed. It was then that he spoke.

‘Meri… Forgive me. . . but I said I would only interrupt if lives were at stake, and so they are.’

‘So you did. There is nothing to forgive.'

‘May I offer a solution?’

I nodded to him

‘Ask a Miracle blessing, spare the child. I will offer the sacrifice required.’

‘I do not understand…’

‘Kal... it would guarantee he lives.’

‘It is a powerful gift of the faithful. . .they may ask for a miracle., and so we will.’

‘And what in return?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Nothing that strong is free.’

‘If it were in my power to ask such a great boon of Ilmater again, I would do so just as freely Kal. This one you may trust as you do me.’

‘If it will save my son, then yes.’

So it was I began to prepare. Cleared mind and heart and soul. I had asked such boons before, to lesser and greater extent… but never on behalf of another… for the sake of another.

‘What might I do?’

‘You must rest.’

‘But... what of my son?’

‘You will need your strength to care for him. I will take a few moments to prepare. He will be fine.’

‘If you are willing… I would ask my name kept out of any tale you tell of this. Not a requirement, but I would prefer no name be given. If you wish, Mystra's Church may be given the credit. . . or a nameless paladin.’

‘I do not understand... Why?’

‘I am not worthy of credit for my deeds… … without Mystra I am a vile man.’

When they had finished speaking. He knelt. I prayed softly.

‘I ask on behalf of another... that this child might live to flourish in his mother's wisdom and his father's strength... humbly, that this mercy be granted. A gift from one father to another. By the grace of all the mercies, great and small…’

So it was, that his sacrifice for the child… it did take a toll on him. That much was evident as he stood shakily and made his way back to guard the gate. The child would live, grow healthy and strong. Any threat to his life would not come from premature birth or poor health. Kal cried. She bellowed. Her joy and gratitude echoed around us.

Trent, Kald and I saw to it that she had what she needed. I had agreed to seek out her husband to send him to her. We did not need to seek him however because he found us. Perhaps he had heard his wife’s cries? Either way, the three of us left the new family to their own peace. Once we got back I had just enough time to may my needed apologies for harsh words and haste. Then a rain unlike any I had yet seen on the coast began to fall… it threatened to wash the land clean of anything but the rain itself.

We all hurried on our ways to seek shelter and dry clothes. As I returned home, I was greeted by a breakfast dinner, fresh tea and an armload of towels. My Most Precious Mercy… How he spoils me! Juna and Ali had seen the children to sleep, and departed by the time I come down in dry robes. I owe so many so much. So many dear ones. It left Tessian and I a rather quiet evening to ourselves. With pancakes and tea, eggs and bacon, dinner was pleasant. Tessian of course could not leave the damp curls alone. He still hides my hair pins from time to time. At least he doesn’t hide my robes… A blessing.

I am truly more blessed than I dare say I deserve. Come what will, we stand as needs must. As faith and heart bid… together. Mercy smiles. These moments are bright lights of hope amid so many shadows. Shadows that will some day pass. All things in time… Mercy willing.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-FIFTH ENTRY]

‘Do you know who I am?’

‘If I do I ask forgiveness... faces and names are hard for me to hold onto.’

‘Mine is particularly slippery. I fought in your command in the campaign against the Bhaalist temple.’

‘Then I thank you greatly miss, and I do ask your forgiveness that I do not remember…’

‘You needn't ask. A name is a gift I give rarely, and usually regret it afterwards. If I have no other name then you may call me the Whisperer. Appropriate given that this conversation is necessarily a quiet one.’

I regarded the woman almost warily. She was familiar… in the same sense that a shadow on the edge of sight resembles something known… Whether she was to be feared or not… I could not say. None the less I heard her words.

‘I realize that another threat to worry about must be the last thing on your wish list these days. But I fear the Council of Four is turning a blind eye and the situation is spiraling out of control. And this time my own resources have proven...inadequate. While the Fist look outwards to the undead threat, and the host of other problems that beset this land, something stirs in the docks. You will no doubt have heard of the string of killings in that district, a pattern that seems to be getting worse.’

‘I had heard of it but very little.’

‘I cannot be sure who exactly is responsible, though I have theories, but the point is that someone is gaining a strong foothold in this city and their influence extends high. The Council of Four are either too distracted to too ill-informed by corrupt attendants in the pocket of this new force to act. I suspect that by the time the scale of the problem becomes apparent, it will be much too late. The problem is, there is no one other than the Dukes and Duchesses who can prevent this.

I realize you too have few resources you could bring to bear on this directly. However, I understand that you have some favor with the Council of Four. While not equal to a fat merchant, the word of a living saint is still worth something in this city. The situation in the docks will soon degenerate sharply, and spread to other parts of Baldur's Gate. If you doubt my word, look for things to get worse. When they do, the Council of Four -must- be moved to act. I cannot do that, but you might stand a chance.’

‘They will not act on my word alone... not if I cannot give them more than whispers. Do you know -why- people are being killed? Or by whom?’

‘People are being killed for resisting, as people are naturally want to do.’

‘Yes but resisting what? The thieves guild? Some one else?’

She looked almost flustered.

‘Not thieves, at least not local ones. I wish I could tell you more, but many of the details I have are speculative at best.’

‘I have means to search if needs must. But I would need a direction. I know it is a difficult thing to ask... but if I am to help at all... I must ask your trust.’

Had the actions taken against the theives guild after Jonas' attempted assassination left an opening for something else?

‘Hmm. I fear it could be the Thieves of Amn. If they gained a foothold here and starting meddling, well, that would be bad for everyone. But I have no evidence to support that fear.’

‘It is a direction. In the very least it can be ruled out… If you have any information on the killings... or find anything useful... Have it sent here... and left with Brother Marcus or Sister Juna. They can get it to me in confidence and safety.’

‘Thank you. I am sorry to drag you into this, Meri, but it is hard to find courage here. Most are scared into inaction. Look for things to get worse, and soon.’

It was a whispered conversation that had haunted my thoughts for a few days. Amid grief over lost friends… thoughts of broken promises, there were whispers of undead and of failed crops. How much worse could things actually get? The figured had vanished into the shadows, and from my eyes much the same way so many had before. It is sad to say that I had grown used to such things. Always assumed the shadows held some pair of eyes… best I could do was pray that those eyes bore me no ill intent.

The rains had yet to let up for more than a few hours at a time. All over there were talks of floods. Travel along the veritable river of mud that had become the Tradeway was becoming difficult. My own gardens were starting to suffer. I moved what plants I could to pots and window boxes in the orphanage and the temple. Jorn was telling me just yesterday how there would barely be enough crops among the lot of the farmers to support themselves, much less the city. That was if, of course, the rains did stop in the next tenday.

Still more whispers of undead… but despite our searching, no more signs of the other pieces of the Soulkeep. I wondered to what extent we would need to search to finally release the souls and be rid of it. I wondered if there was more than one thing in play here… or if the foul thing was solely responsible for the rash of undead that were plaguing the lands from Nashkell to points North of Baldur’s Gate. There was also speculation of the Mad Lich being behind at least some of it. Also whispers that fouler deities were involved… who could say…

Still… after today… The conversation came back to haunt me… and I thought indirectly of the Captain’s death… Guthrun. His death sounded similar to Firavain’s near miss with a Thayan. What they describe is an old Thayan assassination tactic. And it happened at the docks. Why the speculation? Because shortly after a confessed Red Wizard is hung… There is an attack on the city.

I was appalled enough to hear a Thayan was being hung, that he was so near the city. Had they gotten so bold? Mercy for give me, I secretly hoped it was the one I thought responsible for Billy’s capture at the end of the siege. That they would be so close to the city. It was terrifying… So I made my way to the edge of the city. The rain still beat mercilessly. I could hear the jeers and such of the crowd as I crossed the bridge.

At first I prayed my ears were playing tricks on me… or the rain and wind distorting words… But when I looked to Jonas… and asked, he indeed confirmed that they were speaking in the wizard’s defense. I felt so slighted to hear them say that the wizard had done nothing wrong by being a Red Wizard… an enemy of the Dukes themselves by association. To hear them seek to make a martyr of him as he hung there… It made me ill. For all I had suffered at the hands of Thay, and so many I knew and held dear had suffered by extension or similar happenstance… and they spoke that his death was unjust. My heart broke. Were their misdeeds so easily forgotten?

There was little time to ponder it though. As the body was taken down to be strung on the bridge as a warning to Thay’s servants and agents, a massive explosion from wagons near the encampment. It sent debris and flame in all directions. Some said there were two who were seen near the wagons… others said they simply went up in flames. The concussive blast sent onlookers flying.

As we struggled to our feet and to make sense of things… to tend the wounded… and dying… We heard more explosions from near and within the city. My heart stopped. Stopped. Then I ran. I called back for Aya to remain and help the wounded at the bridge… and ran. Wind’s in a tempest may have only been quicker. The farmlands were in flames. What little crops remained undaunted by the rain’s onslaught now withered hopelessly in blazes barely checked by the rain and damp earth.

A man stood outside the orphanage and bid us stay out side.

‘Hold. There are already many nearby onlookers inside.’

I blinked at him.

‘Sir, with all respect, you will not bid me from my own home.’

I stepped into a mass of frightened children, awakened by the blasts. My heart warmed as perfect stranger sought to move the children to safety. Tried though they might they could not spurn the children to action. I clapped and called them to order. Neatly they filed to the door. By then Jonas and the others had caught up with me. I gathered the foundling infant from her cradle, and did a rapid head count. Once all were accounted for, we led them quickly to the Temple of Torm. Some bit of protection from the Triadic Knights there and the stone walls.

I watched dismayed as the flames had reached to the edge of the road and prayed. Once safely in the temple, Jonas and the others left us with a few guards, and Aya and I tended to the children. It took some doing, but Mercy smiled in that regard. They were terrified… even as yet another explosion was heard within the city. Jonas had gone to get Ali and Inara from the Shrine, and we prepared to stay the night where we were.

Clean up and efforts to put out the fires lasted well until morning. There had been an attempt to charge the palace with wagons filled with explosive powder. While there were casualties… it could have been far worse. There was rumor later of a similar explosive wagon along the Tradeway. No one knows for certain who is responsible for the attack on the city or the shoddy attempt at the lives of the Dukes… but it has left the city shaken. Whispers and speculations, but I cannot help wondering if all the small pieces are somehow tied together.

For now, we will need to mitigate the loss of food stores. I imagine it will be some time before the children sleep without nightmare of flame or explosion… I have sent word to all our temples in the region. As far away as Damara even… for food, grains and vegetables and fruits… other things lost by rain and flame. Trade of other things may be further slowed if the rains continue to flood out the main roads. For now we ration our supplies we do have, and pray. Jonas will make arrangements to store incoming supplies.

We will be watchful and we will endure… that is all we can do at this point. The shadows are long and from many directions. The people of these lands are strong. Together we will abide the shadows and see the days when light returns to the region.

Mercy guide us… Mercy keep us… Weep with us that we may have your strength. That your tears may wash clean the lands of suffering… That you may again smile with us, my lord. Grant me your wisdom, grant your wisdom to all who would lead in the days ahead. Mercy to those who need it… May our faiths be strong… and Hope light our paths.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-SIXTH ENTRY]

Well Jonas has assuaged many worries when I spoke to him about things on the Docks. Further query left me with little to worry over aside from some seemingly disconnected murders. It left room for plenty of other troubles to be made apparent though. There is a whole mess of trouble revolving around the two Elves Siomir brought to the orphanage. I do mean a whole mess… so much so that the particulars could span at least a couple of pages… The pair seems hateful, though perhaps not without good reason. Siomir had wished I attempt to influence them for the better… but even I can only do so much with closed minds.

Over the span of days… and with little of my own understanding… it got worse, to the point that there were deaths. Again the particulars could span pages, but without full understanding… it would do me little good. It deeply effected all involved… Siomir and Rith very much so. Of all I grow unused to seeing pained so… I have seen Siomir angry… I have never seen him -hurt-. Once again I found myself drawing on past experience… I offered the kindness I would have wished, for it was an easy line to draw between common experience. It did seem to help… Now there must be mending.

It will take Mending of a different sort for Rith. The fragile ground she stood on in her faith, has been shaken and utterly shattered by the events of the last several days. To further complicate matters, it seems she sought me at the temple and found Aya instead… who despite her well intended actions, seemed to rub salt in raw wounds. There wasn’t much that -I- could do for Rith either, save that I gave her and Siomir an opening to speak to one another. After that… things seemed on the right path. Time will tell. It will take a good deal for the dust to settle.

Aya is young with much to learn. She reminds me so much of myself. Hard to believe that it was just over five years ago that I stood as a young initiate… and only a little over a year since I stepped from the temple as a Novice. With gentle direction and patience she will do well. It breaks my own heart to know that in time… experience will temper her wide-eyed exuberance. Mercy be with her, and lend her your strength… such gentle hearts do not learn the easy way. She must learn however, that sometimes too many hands to help, will cause more harm than good. She must learn to listen to more than her heart. Good will without the temperance of wisdom is little more than blind and wasteful sacrifice.

She is learning though, and given time will do very well, I am sure. She had brought Triel to speak to me. Which at the time was merely having trouble with voices and sleeping. Now, though it seems that problem is much more dire. Jonas and the others were speaking of some sort of copy. It also seems she has wish to do Mercy’s work. I will need to speak with her at length… and to Jonas soon. Either way I ask Mercy’s guidance in this. Things will work out as they should in time. Her situation is unique, and becoming increasingly complicated. We will have to step carefully… paths through such shadowed places are easily lost, and strayed from.

So many conversations in the last few days… Adara and Aethor are expecting twins. Grand as that is, both are understandably nervous. We will have to be watchful in the coming months. Fortunately for all of us, I kept my notes from my time with the Sisters of St Jasper. Still, they are healthy and young. I have no doubt this will go amazingly well for them. I count it a blessing to be a part of such a thing. I have offered midwife services, as well as any other aid I may offer.

Wedding plans for Siomir and Joan continue well. I am nearly finished with Dajala’s dress. I have even been asked to officiate Ivaris and Celia’s wedding in the future. So many weddings! Amid so much bad news of late, I relish in the good news… and this is not a small thing. There are -many- at present who have found joy in the heart of another. It is a welcome balm of late.

Especially as the river continues to swell from the rains. At least the rains have slowed… though still fall more often than not. Contingency measures are in place should there be a flood… Several practice runs moving the children, have gone very well. Arrangements still underway for the coming food shortage. Measures have been taken already to stretch what we have, and I busily urge others to do the same. Several good folk have given money to help ease the burdens of the local farmers who lost property and crop because of the fires a tenday ago. Theses lands are full of decent folk, we should be able to push through this.

I should like to speak with Tarsakh again and perhaps further aid in the underlying problem. He is as difficult to catch as the summer breeze. I pray he is not one of the many familiar faces that have flitted from view of late. I pray whatever path they now find themselves on… it is a kind one that will possibly allow them to return this way again some day.

I think that fairly well sums up the last few days… I should have written sooner… At least things are not nearly so easily forgotten these days… Worrisome though is the continued whispers of undead, and no signs of the pieces of Soulkeep… So I could not say what else may yet still be afoot.

Poor Jonas. As if the strains he faces are not enough… he took another blow today on the way back from the Candlekeep Storytelling Festival. The wife of a dear friend who was suspected poisoned, was herself found beaten. The news amid other troubling news, left him deeply unsettled. Though I fear the scope and reach of the whole thing is yet to be seen. I will, as I am able, offer him my unyielding support. I pray it enough until more that I may do becomes apparent.

They had meant to discuss Triel more… among other things… but I found myself exhausted from the day’s outing and the duties of the last few. I found myself saying good night to the guests at my table, and being gently ushered upstairs. I expected another safe, restful night. I had gotten so used to them. Wrapped in precious mercies, and held safe… I didn’t expect my mind to play on my more human fears. The fears, not of a Saint, of a faithful servant of a god, but the unspoken fears that every woman does her best to ignore, push away and quell. Fears that I had not ever given a thought to. The worst part was I could not wake from it… Though I thought myself awake at least four times… five?

It started to me ‘waking’ to a cold dark room. The arm of my beloved felt cold and bony… the room chilled. I turned, to my horror, to find a skeleton in place of the man I loved. I jumped away from the bones only to watch them crumble into a heap on the bed. With slow, macabre surrealism I watched as a single bony finger inched up the headboard and up the wall to the ceiling… The sound… as it scratched out the writing on the wall above the bed… I still shudder to think of it. The words took form, etched in my mind as they were upon the wall.

‘Life is so short. Life is so sweet.
Our life… Together. We are happy… Only until death do us part.
It crosses your mind every day. I am going to die.
Everyone else has died… Most of those that you loved.
I am sorry, love. Today, death do we part…’

The finger fell to the crumpled heap of bones as I had inched to the farthest edge of the bed. I looked on in sheer disbelief. There is no way to describe the fear that can take form in such a dream… Even knowing it isn’t real does not quell the very consuming fear that closes around you. I struggled against it and found myself falling from the bed…

Quick as you blink, I was sitting next to my dear husband, in the Elfsong, readying to eat lunch. Confused and out of sorts, I thought at first perhaps that it had in fact been some odd day dream induced by lack of proper rest. My mind struggled to recall what had happened when… and when we had walked to the Elfsong. Then I slowly became aware of the -wrongness- of it. The way he looked… acted… toward Lastr'i. The way she looked and acted. It was all only further drawn to light by what they were saying. I could do little more than argue against it and look utterly confused. My heart knew better, even as my own mind sought to trick me... and still I found myself unsettled by it. Here stood my unfailingly loyal husband... and my very dear friend. To hear her say such things was... strange.

'You're damaged goods. Years of twisting, cutting, and burning.'

Not Damaged, but restored... as he had said. I knew then with more certainty than before that I was still dreaming... though where this thought had found root was alien to me. I started to continue my argument with Lastr'i, to tell her the truth of it. Things I knew as fact, when the scene melted into some horrid mass of color. For a dizzying moment I couldn't tell where I was.

Nothing draws focus quite like hearing him twisted by pain. I turned to the sound of his voice only to find him locked in a cell... and racked. I tried the door only to find it locked, and a whole different fear took hold of me then. He hurt... and I could do -nothing-. Would that I could move this piece of the dream to hazy fringes of memory like the rest... It lingers. Even now. The rest is but vague impression and nothing more compared to the choked pain that he screamed with. A figure approached.

‘Please! Get him out of that ... that-- thing!’

‘I can't do that.’

‘Gaaaah! Hhgggaaagh! Meri! Nnnnggghhaaa!’

‘Why?!’

I screamed at the figure as I rattled the door helplessly.

‘He's condemned to pain.’

‘He shouldn't be there... No. Let him out!’

‘You're right. He shouldn't be. That's the torture chamber of Fate. You can't help him out of there. Go in...lay your hand on him. Try to comfort him. But you can't stop the pain. He's an innocent man, no less. Fate doesn't care. Life can be very painful, and very unfair. Innocents are not in life's consideration. You can't save him from pain. Not all of it.’

I was arguing with the man even as he continued to speak. Over all our words, Tessian’s cries of pain fueled my helpless battle against a door I could not open or move.

‘I am still dreaming... Just let him go. Wake up Meri!’

'Think of how much pain has been brought on him already because of who you are. It wasn't fair. And it won't stop.'

'Yes it will. I won’t let it continue. Mercy of Ilmater. -Stop- this!'

I looked from Tessian’s anguished face to the figure, seeing it was not a man, but a shriveled woman. She shook her head at me.

‘I am fate. I decree that he will suffer. And you -will watch-.’

‘No I won't! Let him out!’

‘You can make no demands of me. I don't even exist.'

'If you don't exist you have no right to keep him…’

‘I have no right to keep him, you are right. But I have him nonetheless. Know this... You will either stand here and watch him suffer... ... or you will leave him.'

‘I will do neither! Let him go!’

Tessian screamed as she faded away, and I screamed after her. Blindly, I beat at the door. I closed my eyes in a prayer as he continued to cry in pain…

When I opened my eyes we stood in the kitchen of the orphanage. He looked fine, tired but unharmed, and he smiled at me. I struggled with my confusion and I looked at my hands. They hurt as though I had broken every bone within… but looked fine. Slowly the painful images and sensations cleared as he spoke of comparing himself to me… Wait… That wasn’t right.

I blinked on as the dream continued. We argued that people did not in fact think me perfect nor did they demand that he was perfect. He was tired of keeping up he said… we argued until he slumped to the floor… and then… We were in bed… I was awake. The dream already fading as the touches of dawn fell through the window. I reached over and gently patted his arm.

‘Tessian…?’

‘Hmm? Is it time for breakfast?’

‘I'm awake?’

‘Well, if you're not. I am.’

‘What a horrid dream.’

‘Dream?’

‘I ... a nightmare…’

‘Uh-oh.’

‘I haven't had any in so long…’

I blinked and scooted closer. The dream already starting to fade into confusion… But it was fleeting as he looked at me, his smile… oddly … wrong.

‘Hey, Meri...I'm really happy for you, and imma let you finish, but... I have to ask you a question. Do I love you?’

‘Of course you do.’

‘Are you sure?’

'Yes.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes I am sure.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes you love me. Yes I am sure.’

‘Meri...can you answer a question for me?’

‘I'll try…’

‘Do I love you?’

‘Yes!’

‘Do you feel like I love you?’

‘Without a doubt.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. Why are you talking like this?’

‘You don't sound sure.’

‘I am still dreaming. I am sure...‘

‘You don't feel sure. You're not sure. You're trying to think of something else...change the subject.’

‘I know you love me. Yes I am sure. No I am not trying to change the subject... why do you keep asking me that?’

‘Are you sure?’

‘YES.’

‘You don't feel sure.’

‘What in the name of Mercy do you mean?’

I looked at him aghast.

‘It's in your mind...not often, but there. You need reassuring.’

‘I have no reason to think otherwise, I -know- you love me.’

‘But do you feel like I love you?’

‘Yes.’

‘You sound so sure.’

I could neither sound more sure nor explain why I was still arguing. With a dream. Still, we kept going.

‘I am. Tessian look at me. Yes I do -know- that you love me.’

‘Are you sure?’

Before I could answer he stood and took up a paint brush. For the interim I could neither move nor speak. He stepped up to me and painted his questions on my forehead. I watched in my helpless state as the words painted there -reflected- off of the man who stood before me. Then he stepped away and the surreal argument continued, even as I tried to wipe away the words painted there… the doubts… that seeped into my skin and tried to take root. We argued in circle after circle. My answers never shifted from previous… but his question remained and persisted.

Then I woke. Tessian sleeping soundly, Cloud curled up at our feet. He stirred as I wiped desperately at my forehead and tried to dispel the dream. He told me good morning in his usual way, he even inquired about breakfast… and then his next question made my heart drop…

‘Do I love you? Do I think you're pretty?’

I frowned even as I heard myself answer.

‘Yes.’

‘Maybe I do, but you won’t ever be sure.’

The cycle started again… and then I woke. I was afraid to even move… afraid I wasn’t really awake. How long did I sit there afraid to breathe before I finally reached to my husband? I couldn’t really say. It seemed like ages… and then he just Vanished in a blink.

I listened in horrified confusion as the nightmare continued. I urged myself to wake, to no avail. On he talked about how we had become strangers over the years. His voice, for he could not be seen. He spoke of my fortieth birthday that had come to pass, and my confusion deepened to a level beyond what I thought possible. He spoke of how duty had separated us. I struggled to recall when or how we had lost each other. I struggled to wake…

‘Was it better to have loved and lost? Or would it be better to never have loved at all? You were so set on the latter before I met you.’

‘But I was wrong, and you proved that.’

‘Perhaps I did. But if I were to go away...would your mind change, I wonder?’

‘Tessian... I couldn't love anyone but you…’

I begged to wake. And did. Alone. Cold, and dark, the whole orphanage seemed listless and still.

‘... Tessian?’

Somehow I knew… as I woke alone… that I was utterly and completely alone. I prayed for something… anything. A measure of comfort. To wake. Mercy of Ilmater just to wake from this and see him there… I begged and cried, heard no answer but echoes off the empty walls…

Finally… I found myself awake as the sun touched the horizon… Wrapped safely in Tessian’s arms. I lay there so still for a long moment. Afraid to even move… to break the quiet moment… and wondering if I was awake… and afraid to ask. Finally I found the courage to move and spoke softly.

‘Tessian?’

‘Hmmph… morning, Meri… Time for breakfast?’

‘I… think so… if I am … awake?’

‘I guess so… Meri…’

I looked at him.

'Can I ask you a question?'

‘Yes You love me... Yes I am sure... And I love you so very much...'

The words rushed out, and I waited the inevitable circle to start.

‘Huh? Well...that's a very sweet way to wake up.’

He turned and gave me a kiss, smiling.

‘I was going to ask what the outlook on blueberry pancakes is this morning.’

‘Oh…I--’

I couldn’t do anything but sit there. I felt like if I let him go… well… I didn’t want to contemplate it. Slowly the uncertainty faded. We spent the next hour or so going over the dream. One by one, each worry pushed away until there was no doubt left. Doubt that I knew had no place to begin with. Eventually, we made our way downstairs to the children… and blueberry pancakes.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-SEVENTH ENTRY]

In between the normal duties to the temple and the orphanage, I find myself in a roll I am not accustomed to, even after all that has happened. I find that my words carry more weight than I should have thought they would. I find myself leading. Even after the siege, it feels… undeserved. My path from the unknown girl to the slave… To the wide eyed initiate finding freedom in her guided path nearly five years ago… To a timid novice, finally stepping into a path that was hers and no other… and somehow in that year the novice became something more. I lead, a simple healer… who is anything but simple any more. Sometimes that realization is so profound, it frightens me.

I find myself marveling at the passage of time, astounded at the events held in these pages, the good and the bad. I know full well, I would have never pulled through all of this had it not been for those who keep me standing. Even in the most distant moments when my only comfort was an ember in the darkness… To now, when I can see so many dear and beloved to my heart. Do they know the treasure they are? Each of them, whose path has crossed my own, even if only for a time… How dear they are? How many times would I have fallen if not for those who kept me standing?

I do pray when my time to rest does come, that they see what we stood for. Not just the woman or the saint… but what I have tried to represent. Mercy in all forms. I say we. I mean that. May they not revere me more so than those who kept me standing when I should have fallen. In all my days as Ilmater’s willing servant… Ever have I only been the healing hand at the back of those who act on my behalf. The light of hope perhaps… in the shadow… but I could be neither without the guiding Hand of Mercy. When I again stand on Martyrdom before my lord… I pray they remember what -they- stood for. I pray they honor those who kept me standing… I pray for those who have fallen that I might stand to be held high and remembered well. Without any of them… I am little more than a healer with a task that would have failed.

And still, I am called to lead. To guide. To be honored. Whether I feel myself capable of it, or deserving, matters little. So I am called to do my best. Mercy guide me, that I do not misstep and misguide them… What do they see when they look to me? A halo? A healer? A friend? A sister? A wife? Something wizened and revered? A Saint? On the reverse, A blinding light? An obstacle? An enemy? A thing to be halted… Which is forever why my steps are guarded, as disconcerting as that is. To be so treasured and despised… deserving or not. The healer, the saint, the woman, the number of rolls I am at any given moment, I will be to the sincerest and best of my ability.

It is all of this perhaps that culminates to me seeking advice from those more used to leading. It is why I find myself guiding those who look to me for such. Trying perhaps, but needed. We have a few new initiates, which is a blessing. I find myself seeking Brother Marcus’ wisdom, which he freely gives. Especially when I find myself dealing with headstrong initiates who remind me so much of who I was four years ago. I find myself repeating Iliara’s words, and Dracius’ wisdoms to ones such as dear Aya… words that I heard all those years ago as I learned my path and place as an Ilmatari.

So many of the more experienced Ilmatari moved on once the Bhaalist threat was ended. Their hands called to serve in some other way. Sister Abby mostly in Damara, Brother Rente… I worry for. He disappears for long periods of time. The last time he went missing, he was badly injured and unconscious for a time, so I do pray this absence is not due to something dire.

Not all are gone though, it is a blessing that Alistaria is so close, especially these days. She is a blessing she may fail to realize, for it is something I was not aware I lacked until I found her filling the space. A kindred soul. With the past often finding me at odds with other Ilmatari, either from the time I was shunned for blasphemy and such, or to the Saint who they now seem to be wary of, either because they wish to not be disrespectful, or are unsure how they should approach such… It is a blessing to have one who sees me as she does. We draw a measure of understanding from one another simply because our paths share common ground, add to that… our hearts too.

I have seen the changes in both Ali and Jonas of late. It warms my heart to see such. Slowly I think, they are each seeing the path as they should be walking… Together. It is not to be rushed, and they are doing well with it. I am content to sit and observe as they find the path they seek. Jonas once said he has spent his days since trying to find what he lost when they parted. I think now he possesses the patience to wait for that which may not have been as lost as he thinks it was...

I have seen so many things come to pass, things I thought impossible… good or bad… and I am left to wonder just what else is possible. I’ve still a ways to go before I am called to rest. There are things I would like to see come to pass, like children… Mercy willing… And of course there are things I am sure I have yet to face. I am sure my years will be a careful balancing act of these rolls, of the shadows on my path that I must push away, and the light that will guide me in the darkness. Time truly is a marvel… and those I share it with are such a blessing. Precious Mercies, each. Tessian the most precious of these.

I need to hold to those blessings. In times of talk of famine and flood, of undead rampant and all manner of whispers in the dark. At least, the situation in the docks has been proven to be less trouble than I was lead to believe. Things have calmed since the Thayan’s execution also… though the scar from the explosions that day, and the relentless rains have been a constant worry. Jonas is arranging for storage. In a tenday or two, the grains and vegetables from Trademeet should be here. Not a large shipment, but a start. The temple in Damara has sent word that they will be sending a large caravan of food supplies in a month or so. There are also others willing to help. We should not be so short on food during the winter months as we initially feared. The Sisters and I have also been canning most fruits and vegetables that have survived, which will allow them to keep longer.

Surprisingly, the river has not flooded. I have a small measure of funds available should Jorn and the other farmers have need to be relocated for a time… and have made arrangements should there be a need for us to move to higher ground at the orphanage. The chances of a flood reaching that far are not great… but with all this rain, much of the low laying land near the river is in danger should it keep up. It is best to be prepared ahead of time, should the need arise. Mercy willing, we will not need to resort to such measures.

Undead are still a very real problem. There seem to be an influx of undead all across the coast. No more outpourings like that in Candlekeep, and no more signs of other pieces of the Soulkeep Gem. An increase in practicing necromancers as well… Though much of it seems disconnected to one another, it is very much a compounded problem, whether they are connected or not. Time will reveal all things, even the mystery behind this. Even if we must end the threat one instance at a time.

And speaking of threats. I suppose Tessian and I were becoming comfortable with the relative quiet our lives had adopted. So of course the sudden need for guards has thrown us both off. I hope this is all an unneeded precaution. As the past has shown though, threats of such a measure, and for such an amount of coin… which is sickeningly staggering… cannot be taken too lightly. As Jonas has said though… this does mean that the initial wards Jonas wished to have done for us, are now getting done.

There were also hints of a new sort of threat last night. A ghost. And perhaps ties to Bane? I couldn’t really say… the whole ordeal was confusing. The ghost made threats… some seemingly childish ones against us… Tessian got hurt initially. Fortunately it was easy to tend. The ghost returned and I kept him behind me.

‘Stay close, love…’

He nodded to my whisper, as I called sanctuary over both of us. His fingers laced between my own, as the creature spoke. As it looked like things would get worse, I turned to him briefly.

‘Go home, love…’

He lifted Polly’s cage and hesitated, looking around.

‘...are you sure?’

‘Yes. Go, love. The sanctuary ward will keep you safe. Run straight home, and the guards can protect you.’

He chewed his lip and eyed the specter in front of us.

‘Come home immediately...wh-when you can.’

‘I will I promise.’

‘Don't make that an if.’

‘No if. When.’

He gave my hand a squeeze, my prayers on his heels as he hurried to the orphanage. When he was safely out of sight, my attention returned to the problem that stood taunting us. Finally, the first blow was landed. It was a difficult battle. I watched as spirits appeared all around us… and watched as my prayers could not come quick enough… We began to fall. One by one. Then… there was darkness.

‘Seems like you have help from beyond. My brethren were cast out.’

The spirit stood over me, as a familiar comfort took hold. Once again the Hand of Mercy at my back, had drawn me from death and pulled me to my feet. I saw to the others quickly, and another battle ensued with the remaining ghosts. We fared much better in the second attempt, and afterward, we stood ragged and worn, though victorious. The words of the priest tumbled between thought and prayer. A new threat which hated us passionately for what we represented.

‘…But beware, they plan on working to gain enough power to destroy you all.’

Jonas spoke of asking Bhaal how that went. I could not help but benefit from his confidence. After all we had faced… we would not be so easily swayed. Weary, we made our ways to rest. Jonas and Alistaria were already asleep in their respective cots by the time I made it home. Sister Juna departed soon after… all the children fast asleep.

I skipped the tea and made my way upstairs to find a worried Tessian sitting at the foot of the bed, and chatting with Polly about what ever stray bits popped into their minds. He held me so tightly then that I feared my ribs would break… Not that, at that point… I would have cared. I was merely happy he was well, we were all well. I took blessed comfort in the arms of my Most Precious Mercy. My gift. My heart. My soul… My love. There is no greater strength than faith… but a loyal heart takes a very close second.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[A second letter, leaves with a single messenger, bound for Trademeet]

My dearest Dracius and Iliara

We have received the grains, I was pleased to find that you had sent three wagons, rather than two. Thank you so very much. I do pray that this letter finds you well. How is young Tristan? Six months already? When next I visit I will have more pictures for him. Please give my sincerest regards to Sisters Agatha and Dorine. I miss you all terribly.

I find these days, that your wisdoms have returned to me now, if only to passed on to young initiates and novices as you once taught me little more than a year ago. Time is a wonder. My mind looks over my path and it is humbling to recall the shadowed beginnings. Steps taken in darkness, that have lead to so much light. I never would have imagined just what path you had urged me to seek, when you sent me from the temple.

There have been troubles of late, but I can say that I am safe at least. I am not sure that I could be safer, lest I stood again on Mount Martyrdom. Tessian is well enough, though the strain of the last few months is evident. I fear for his suffering… especially for my sake. I pray Mercy keeps him safe, and that I am able to spare him much. He assures me that the pain does not out weigh the joy of it all… I believe him… I do, but how I worry for him. I wish to spare him such things. There are extra prayers for his sake now, more than ever. I pray for his strength… If needs must, that I am strong enough for both of us.

We had a lovely picnic the other day. The Gazebo has become a special place since the proposal. It is nice to re-visit it often. A pancake picnic does wonders for his spirits… How it lightens my heart when he smiles! He truly is a light, my most precious mercy. If I gain nothing in all that is left of my days, I could be content with only his happiness. I see what you mean now, Dracius, when you say that such a thing smoothes the roughest of roads.

To answer your last letter, the children and the orphanage are well. The rains have slowed finally, and we seem to no longer be in danger of a flood… Barring of course, more rain. Still, the chill air does seem drier, and for that I am grateful. I could not answer on the friends that traveled with Tessian and I, not all of them. Adam has left the coast, and while I miss him… it is not a subject I broach often, as it troubles Tessian. Ian… I do not speak with Ian any longer. I ask that this be left to rest, out of respect for those dear, who no longer share my path so closely. Firavain is quite well, there is good news in that. He is engaged, his path, at least, has been kinder of late.

I do sleep much better these days. My mind is less troubled now that it lacks the Wizard’s influence. I would like to think that I am beyond my worst shadows, Mercy willing… it remains that way. I know this pleases you, Iliara… I know how you worry. As I said, I am quite safe.

Yes, Iliara, Jonas is quite well, considering the troubles he faces. The Triad is strong with him. The poor dear stays busier than any man should, and I pray his shadows pass soon. I must regretfully inform Sister Dorine that the handsome paladin she saw at the wedding… is in a manner spoken for. I’ll say no more on it lest my words be proven false in the future, though I doubt I need worry of this.

You remember Joan of course, I wonder if you met Siomir? They too are meant to be wed. They have asked that I oversee and officiate the wedding. It will be a lovely thing, I wish them every happiness in it, and I am so deeply honored that they would ask my hand in such a blessing.

Among weddings of dear friends, and other duties, I am pleased to say that I am drawing from my training with the Sisters of Saint Jasper. A dear pair of friends are expecting twins! They are a young couple, and very sweet. I pray wisdom in this. So far it goes very well, before long, they will both be blessedly busy. I am glad to be a part of this, and have promised whatever aid I may offer.

Which leads me to your next question, my dear Iliara. No, there are no children yet. That may be for the best at this point. I do wish children of my own, but I fear at present the shadows are still long, and duty would draw me, and by extension any child I carried, to undue harm. I am almost afraid to, as much as I want to. The thought of losing a child… terrifies me. Mercy willing… Someday, but for now, I think I can be content to wait a little while longer.

I promise as always to write again soon, but I have much yet to do. Mercy keep you all well, and smile on you. I hope my prayers for your sake are as much a boon as your own prayers are for mine. If we have further need of supplies, I will send word.

Your loving daughter,
Meri

[LeslieMS]

[ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-EIGHTH ENTRY]
Subject: The Friendly Arm Inn Incident
IN THE SHADOWS OF DRAGONS: PRELUDE
The Treachery of Vipers

They keep telling me I work too hard… I wonder now if I do enough… After this evening I wonder if it will ever be enough. Whispers and shadows of late. Seems we are drowning in darkness, and we have little more than a candle to guide our way. Am I truly doing enough? How many times did I ask myself that today? The Sisters chase me from the things that need doing at the temple, saying that twice done is more than enough. There is only so much to be done at the orphanage. No shortage of helping hands… I have found myself with idle time again… I step from the city, only to find the calm is much like the mirror surface of the waters… peaceful and smooth on the surface… beneath, a raging river with treacherous points, waiting ravenously for the unwary.

Talk of Bhaalist activity, as well as more than a few passing threats, is unsettling enough. Add to that talk of an increase in necromancy, pact-makers, fools willing to summon those of the lower planes, and a rise in banditry and assassins? With so many familiar faces gone… There are few to trust, few who I know can stand if this gets worse… So I pray, and we prepare, because I fear that this is only the beginning. The handful of initiates here have much to learn… Much of the Radiant Heart is abroad… including Jonas, who is still in Neverwinter. I miss him terribly, and pray the Triad keeps him well. There are few among the Fist I know well these days that I have seen of late.

Siomir visits frequently, though I miss Joan, who stays busy at the Keep more often than not. When she isn’t busy, it hardly seems fair of me to want for her time, when it is obvious Siomir misses her enough as it is. The wedding plans are on hold… for a moment when there is less drawing us all away, and fewer duties to divide our times. Save for Siomir, who very recently stepped away from his duties to Doron Amar. Though, whether or not that means I will see more of him, remains to be seen. He speaks of things that need tending… Some of which I won’t be able to aid him with. This only further adds to my frustration at my own idleness. Though part of me understands -why- I cannot help him in all things… and as much as I don’t like the thought… needs must for such, I fear.

There is talk of Drow… more than I care to hear. Rumors of raids and activity on the surface. To hear some speak of the Underdark, and how lovely they make it sound. How it turns my stomach. Then to hear talk of peace, as much as some optimistic corner of my mind would love to entertain… I know Drow tricks, and this good goddess nonsense reeks of it. Mercy forgive my jaded heart… Of all I have known, only two that lurked in those shadows might have been trustworthy… if ever they had remained or still lived. Time will tell, but for now, I cannot help but see it all with suspicion…

Some would accuse me of being less true to the tenets of my own faith in this… I know they would like me to view all creatures… even the Drow… with unbiased view… Ilmater forgive me, some things are difficult to do. While I might in time, I will not rush head-long into an assassin’s blade, or Baenund’s waiting arms… If Mercy is to be had for the Drow, they will have it. Though not in the measure they might wish or need for their own plots. It is these very webs that may well damn some dear… And I am at a loss for how I should act, or if I can.

Blast it all! My frustration of late, gets taken out on whatever specks of dust may yet lie within temple or orphanage. That only leads to hidden mops, and more idle time. So I divide my moments among the children, my husband, and my other duties. Tessian worries for me, but he is an immense help both with the orphanage, and my sanity. A mainstay of comfort, and a welcome moment of humor when my cynicism gets the better of me.

The caravan from Damara finally arrived a few days ago, in a state that only serves to highlight the troubles of late. People are hungry, and there is not enough to go around despite our efforts. The local farmers are surviving on generosity… Those less well off seeking what we offer in the temple kitchen. Bandits and bad weather plagued the supply from Damara… Four wagons were lost. The rains have slowed locally, and most of the damage from the fires is repaired. People are stealing… murdering… not for coin or greed, so much as for food. Lingering suspicions that agents of Thay were responsible for the fires nearly two months past… Thay and its damnable wizards… Ilmater forgive me, but I cannot help but think it would be a Mercy to strike them from the face of the Realms, leaving little more than bad memory and scars.

What good comes from them? What joy has been found in them? I hold little more than contempt in my heart for them… and I cannot do any else. A Thayan that condemns me to a fate tied to the cursed Soulkeep… the pieces of which still remain hidden… A Thayan who torments me and delivered me, unwittingly, to the Drow… A Thayan who delivers me to the Bhaalists… A Thayan who delivers Billy to the Bhaalists… a Thayan who mocks my nightmares… A Thayan who I must abide in silence and contempt… and likely Thayans who sealed our fates with this famine, and after tonight… it is Thay that churns my stomach and Thay that boils my blood… But I get ahead of myself in my anger…

Somewhere between whispers of current troubles… and the anger that drives me now… was bittersweet wonder. Somber remembrance… And for the briefest moment… celebration. Bentley had opened his inn… Slowly over the months we had watched the ruined temple fade… and slowly we watched as something new took form… A monument was erected to honor those who fought and fell during the siege. A stoic statue stands where our catapults once did. A plaque, for Billy … for all who fell… For me. And what did I do to deserve it? Any of it. All who swear I am some great Saint. Some Great Martyr in the service of Mercy. Living Saint! Willing Martyr… I stand… and part of me hates that I must stand on the blood of so many…

I look at the statue… and in my heart can see the face of every soul who fought against Bhaal… who fell at the hands of his minions. My nightmares are haunted still by the words of Bhaal’s Shadow. By Dianne’s screams… Blood-tears and anguish. Demons and shadows and death… so very much of it. A painful scar reminds me with each smile… the days of torture at the hands of Bhaalists, a reminder of the pain others suffered for my sake… Though they would swear it was not for my sake, but for Billy’s. Because if we had not stood for him, none could stand now… Had we failed…How close we came then in those last days, in the last hours of the siege. Haunts me. For all the brightness of Mercy, and all Ilmater has blessed me with… I feel those shadows lurking, just beyond the light. Shadows I will forever have to stand in defiance of. The land has grown wild, cleansed by rain and tended by druids, it has flowered and blossomed into something beautiful, much as the inn that now stands where something foul once loomed.

I watch people walk the Tradeway… how easy they seem to forget all that came before. So few are left on the Coast that remember those dark months. Sometimes, the curiosity of new comers to the Coast is painful… I endure it by grace of Mercy and kindness of friends alone. More often than not, and especially now… I wonder if those that praise the Living Saint, realize that she could not have stood at all… if not for all the names on the plaque? How the boy, all but forgotten in any but name, was nearly lost, not only in life, but in spirit.

The inn that now stands on ground once steeped in shadow, bears no darkness of its past. A beautiful testament to how things can change for the better, how even the deepest wounds may mend. The gardens flower beautifully, and there is peace within the walls of the inn… For the first time since I stood in the inner sanctum of Bhaal’s most foul temple… I found myself standing atop the ground where I watched a child, most dear to me… die. My body stood in a beautiful place, my mind remembered all that was, and my spirit found a measure of peace… It finally felt like a complete thing. The last of Bhaal’s shadow and taint gone. In its place, something new and good. The past… nearly forgotten by some… all but forgotten by others, but the past all the same.

‘Ladies, Gentlemen. Absent Companions.’

Siomir looked at me, and raised his glass in a simple toast after handing me a wine glass of my own. It was a bitter-sweet moment, a moment of remembering… a moment of closure. I could not sit still though, my restless thoughts lending my feet the need to move, so I wandered the inn.

It was the turmoil and the memories in my heart that had my mood so subdued… But it was the view from the top of the inn that took my breath. I looked down over what had once been a place of shadow and darkness, blood and murder, and saw beauty and light. I wept… and perhaps Ilmater wept with me… For the rain hid my tears from those who would see them. It was this, that we fought for. This that we stood for… This that so many died for, and it was beautiful.

I was unprepared for what awaited me when I headed back down the stairs and out of the rain. For there… in the hall, stood to Thayans. Two wizards. A mockery of the peace I sought… A mockery of the sacrifices made… for they meant to have a room. The male was mocking Siomir, and his pregnant cohort stood by a door frame… the door obviously shattered in some sort of magical explosion. The others were ready to toss the wizards out… or kill them, but the wizards insisted they had paid for a room. To say that the mood was tense was an understatement, but hands were stayed while Bentley was fetched from downstairs.

Slowly, I was losing my own battle with my own anger, but the true pain was yet to come… How swiftly the past is forgotten… and how painfully it cut me. To hear Bentley’s reaction… More upset over a shattered door on his opening day, than over the fact that they were Thayan… and quite content with their coin in his pocket.

‘There is no reason for concern. As you know, if we came here with intent on antagonizing you and your people… we would not be speaking currently.’

‘The fact that you are here is antagonizing, and then there is undermining and plotting. Something Thayans are known for. Particularly on the Coast.’

I bristled. It was the voice of Ilmater alone that bid me stay my hand, and reminded me of my oath as the wizard taunted Siomir. I was oath bound not to strike first… least of all out of anger. So I stood… utterly still… and absorbed the shock of things as they unfolded. Rith posed the question to Bentley as others spoke of war with Thay and treacherous wizards… Bentley was more upset over the door.

‘Did you really allow them to stay here?’

‘Why, yes… the Friendly Arm Inn is open to all travelers.. but this... my door.. my poor, poor door!’

It was like being struck in an open wound… with acid. Finally my temper compelled my words…

‘Thayans are the reason Billy is DEAD! By the Mercy that Is Ilmater!! The Very REASON we nearly lost all we damn well died for! Thayan Wizards -gave- him to the Bhaalists!’

The conversation continued… the wizards declaring that they were not at fault. I hadn’t been so angry since I stood face to face with the fiend that had taken Dianne, and I felt myself drowning in my fury. Some bystander spoke:

‘Did THESE Thayan Wizards do it?’

‘Lecherous, Vipers! Everyone of their pet wizards! That I am oath bound not to strike first! Mercy of All Mercies, Ilmater forgive me.’

Even as I heard him call me on prejudice… I stormed away. I walked… blindly, and unaware of all but the rain and the fury in my heart. So easily forgotten… and -spat- upon. I found myself standing before the monument. Rith, and Siomir, and Taric were there. I watched as Siomir’s blade scratched his name from the monument… I allowed him the expression of his own fury. To see all we stood for get trampled on by the very snakes of Thay… and they were asked to leave for causing a disturbance, the wizards given sanctum. The very ground soaked in the blood of a child that would have been safe if not for a Red Wizard’s machinations and magic…

‘Thieving -vipers-! How many?! How MANY bled for him... And they -took- him... and now they trample as a mockery! Blasted, thieving, murderous, lecherous bastards! Incorrigible, slaving, wicked, -child- MURDERING... Bastards!’

Try as they might… I could not be calmed. My fury drove me clear back to the temple. My prayers, asking forgiveness for merciless thoughts. For I had indeed questioned the kindness -I- owed to a Thayan or their child… and I was ashamed of my anger. Had Ilmater not charged me to not let my temper rule me? And yet I stood and quaked in anger… Eventually, the whisperings of Mercy calmed my emotions… and left in its place a deep, wounding betrayal at how quickly Billy’s sacrifice is forgotten.

My mind wandered over the past and I wept. Perhaps I had not done enough… perhaps in my want to let things heal, to let people move past the shadows that were the Bhaalist conflict… the very reason for my Sainting… Was I to blame that they forgot? Mercy forgive me… Billy… Dianne… Each soul who passed that we might all live free of Bhaal’s shadow…Forgive me. I should not have let you be forgotten. All memories are precious… blessing or bane… As painful as they are… perhaps these most precious of all. My mind is made up. I will write. A book. And I will offer it for all to read. None should forget the lives that were paid that we might walk freely now.

For now… I must rest. I am exhausted, and can no longer fight Tessian’s gentle urges to sleep… There are no more tears for me to weep… But there is much to do. Mercy willing… We will endure, and if these shadows refuse to pass, then we shall banish them. Even now, we will not falter. We will not forget. I will not. In the end there -is- only Mercy. Mercy to those who need it, deserving or not… Always.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINTH ENTRY]

‘One day, Jonas... I will greet you... with a smile... and no ill news.’

The words were offered were little more than a thin comfort in a harsh place. Two days since my dear brother’s return from Neverwinter, and we sat exhausted, nursing wounds, and thanking the Triad we stood… And his response haunted me still. The honesty, the deadly seriousness with which he had answered me, and in my heart, I knew he was right.

‘Then I will know I am dead, Meri, and I have joined you on Mount Martyrdom.’

By Mercy alone, that day had not been today. Our paths, long and treacherous, and we walked willingly. This day, our feet cracked and bled, blistered and bruised… Those were not like any demon I had faced… And I can say, in my days since I walked, wide-eyed, from Trademeet… I had faced many. It is a blur as my mind walks over the day, for indeed, some moments we ran.

Sir Crownsilver and I had crossed paths as I returned to the orphanage from the temple. All day I had heard ill whispers of outcry against the Fist, again. And once again it was the foolish or the ill hearted that spoke against them. Good people most of them. Those I could not say were good sorts… and despite our differences, and our troubles… and the fact that she is long since gone, I couldn’t even hate Ms. Dredd. Briefly I thought back to those days, and wondered why the man before me was the one to bow…

After all, who was the healer that the nobleman felt the need to bow? The Helmite before me, bowed none the less. I thought it ironic. First time I meet him, I am battered and crawling on the prison floor in filth… and Now… Now he bows to me as though I were some Lady of the Court. Have I become such a jaded cynic in the last year that such things are ironically amusing to me? Mercy of Ilmater.

Yet still there was talk against the Fist, and that was the topic of the hour, for by the time the rumor had reached my ears, it had sounded as though the very strife was against the Dukes themselves. Only fools would endeavor to such. I have seen naught but kindness and acts with the good of the people at heart. There may perhaps be one or two among them I do not agree with, and Norton ever needs to work on his manners… though I understand his ire to me… He lost many men in the Bhaalist siege.

It irritates me that people are so swift to forget all the good that people do. One whisper of a bribe and nearly two thousand men are self-serving, black-hearts… the smallest ill deed of one such as Dredd, and nearly two thousand men, who seek only to feed their families and keep their children and homes safe… Are faced daily with scorn by common adventurers. Narrow-minded types that do not see, how order is maintained… the kindnesses done by them.

She will never admit to it, but how many cranky, Dwarven, Fist-women are there? Giving candy to the children, and she has done other things too, as anonymously as possible… Her kindness for my sake and Jonas’ during the troubles with Galen. Justin, who has been as steady and as loyal of an ally as any could ask for. The hundreds… and I do mean hundreds of men and women who stood with us at the Siege.

Do the people not see how that battle would have been lost? How we could now be suffering under Bhaal’s whims? No. They see the things like Grunga’s temper, or the guard who took a bribe… or Mister Lightbringer who turned on those he served for and with… or Ms. Dredd… who would torment an Ilmatari priestess. They see a handful of slights and judge hundreds… For indeed there are more noble among them than I could list, including the recent return of Norton’s Bastards… a level group if I ever saw such, and among them, young Thedran who is dear to me for he was in the care of the Ilmatari well before I arrived. But those noble and good among them… hundreds that they are… judged wrongly and harshly by the few who cannot grasp it as a whole… The ones who look to the few bad apples and toss the whole basket.

It breaks my heart to hear that someone is raising an angered voice against so many good people. But before that conversation continued nearly far enough, and after my worries were appeased on that front… Tomar came seeking me… Speaking of angels and such, that there was trouble on the road. For some reason, there was an obvious tension between Justin and Tomar… though before my curiosity could be sated, Jonas joined.

Bound by oath of duty, honor bound by love is Jonas, to me to keep me safe… Honor bound by love, bidden by oath of duty am I, to follow him even to the Hells and back to see him safely home - whether he were to ask of it or not. Two servants of our gods… in heart and faith, brother and sister. So at Jonas’ lead, I followed down the road… Ironically we stood before the new inn… on the very stretch of road that had consumed my nightmares and thoughts of late… Visions of the battle that raged here, whispers of Bhaal… and once again it was by Mercy that I stood… By the Triad we fought… The only difference was, that we did not fight to save a child. We did not face an aspect of the Lord of Murder, but demonic monstrosities, the likes of which I hadn’t seen before… And the half dozen of them that we faced, one at a time, rivaled the power of those battles that had plagued my mind mercilessly.

There were many who fought… most who did not understand what was happening. Jonas and the others had spoke of warnings from an angel, and as my thoughts rolled through the heavenly warnings I had listened to over the months. Never had the warnings been for naught.

‘I do not argue with angels.’

Jonas had said, and it was a good thing we did not. I fear to think what may have come to those along the road if we had not gone to see to it. The road was washed in blood. The demonic things intent on destroying all the good we were, for little more than spite. My sanctuary held, and my prayers rang out over the field of battle… I was out of practice. Too much time idle, where my largest worry was how to get the paint off the rafters of the orphanage common room. Instinct bid me conserve my prayers. Mercy held me up… Dismayed I would watch as I bandaged and patched the worst wounds… only to turn from that task and see another at Death’s feet… I was not the only priestess, and there were many who fought, even some I had never met…

We fell the first creature, and had barely caught our breath by the time the second one raised its fiery claw against us. My own hands… unused to the tasks I had them set to now, cracked and bled… I found myself blocking blows against the creatures so I could mend the wounded and the dying. In the confusion, blades would fall in the wrong direction, spells misfired, and for a while, it was difficult to tell what was going on or if we were making progress.

Finally the second fell… and then a third and a fourth… after that I lost count. The dozens of bandages and supplies I carry, down by more than half, my ability to channel even the smallest healing incantations gone. But so were the monsters. And so was Tomar… I could barely stand. The others looked for him, and Ali tended my hands. Odd it was, to be tended… Proof, and a less than gentle reminder, to myself and any who watched, that the Saint is still a woman. We could say, contentedly, that the battle was won, and all stood, worn and battered, but whole and able to heal.

Tomar was returned by an Archon. I had not seen them since my last visit to Mount Martyrdom… and my mind drifted to meadows laced with the laughter of Billy and Dianne. Some time later, the blur of exhaustion cleared, and I sat in the dining room with Jonas and a few others. Jonas winced at his hand… which drew my attention, and my ire. Once again we sat and argued. Normal brother and sister might argue over who had rights to what or who held seniority over the other… we argued over what we were willing to allow the other to give up for our own sake. In this case, what I was willing to do for his hand, cursed by Shar and worsening… withering and painful… versus what he was willing to allow me to sacrifice.

It was the words of the young girl at the end of the table that swayed him. We sat there, glaring defiantly and in anger at each other. All the while, his teeth gritted in pain, as I did my best to assess his hand without giving him cause to wince further. And each cringe in pain fueled my own frustration.

‘Jonas... if it spreads you will lose the hand anyway, lest you loose more than that.’

‘Is it that bad, Meri?’

‘... it could be.’

‘Can Ilmater heal this, Meri?’

‘It could be done. I have asked him for greater favors just in that you still breathe, dear brother.’

‘He is probably tired of me by now then.’

‘Mercy never tires, but endures.’

‘I know, I know. I served him once too, remember?’

‘Then why are you arguing with me, How many times must I ask you to let me see it mended?‘

‘Other things are more important. It would drain you yes?’

Exhausted as we were, glaring defiantly at each other, I slammed my hand on the table… only vaguely aware of the pain the outburst would cause, and the sharp words fell forth in frustration.

‘It is by your hand I stand, Jonas. This hardly needs arguing. That it might drain me is not to be questioned... what I choose to give of myself is -mine- just as your wound is your choice.’

‘Right. My choice. I choose not to let it drain you. The end.’

‘Sir Jonas Rokranon I refuse to accept that answer.’

He tried to turn his attention to the discussion of the attack… and the warning that there may be more attacks in the future. It only fueled my argument.

‘We were warned another attack will occur.’

‘How can you defend against demons if you cannot lift your blasted sword and shield?’

My words garnered me a withering glare, which I mirrored, the defiance between Jonas and I… Paladin and Saint. I would not walk away from this battle without a victory. Not this time.

‘I will not take no for an answer any longer. I will not sit while you suffer... and I will not-- I refuse... to let your hand wither while there is work to do.’

‘I would think it would be wise to listen to the saint. Especially since she is your sister. You said you’re stubborn and protect those you love. Can’t you see you hand being that way hurts her? Why would you let her suffer, and not let her fix it?’

To my surprise, the carefully crafted argument that lay in wait… was not needed. He looked to Esarosa and frowned at her.

‘Right. Right. Very well.'

I twisted at the look on his face… my heart broke.

'I do not mean to be angry with you, Jonas... But how can you protect me... Like this?’

‘Fix it. Esarosa is correct, and I will not see you suffer on my account.’

‘I hate that I must ply your guilt... but you leave me no room to fight fair, brother. I am sorry.’

And I truly was… that I yelled at him… that he felt bad… not that it had to be done to see his hand set right… but the look on his face… I wrapped his hand, having done all I could for it at present. I then rounded the table and hugged him, a kiss on the cheek, and his own hardened glare fell away… How dear my brother is… and how precious. We two, pillars, we have long supported each other unfailingly… and even at odds… we fight for each other.

There was more talk, Joan and Siomir came to visit, plans were made and such, and finally, Jonas took his own cot in the children’s room. I smiled. Ali slept with Inara next to her, Jonas on his cot… thirty four sleeping, smiling faces, gently dreaming… I was wary of my own dreams, but that worry faded as the smiling face of my dear husband met my eyes. Blessed am I, even as we walk steeped in shadow… None so precious as those we love, none so vital, much as the bricks of a fortress support each other, keep the whole standing…

We stand together, by faith and by heart, we endure together… And we will remain, through shadow and fire… In the end there is only Mercy. Mercy of Ilmater, by faith we stand… by duty we remain… By our hearts we will prevail.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDREDTH ENTRY]
Subject: The Friendly Arm Inn Incident
IN THE SHADOWS OF DRAGONS: PART ONE
Hidden beneath our noses...

We sat idling, which is to say, we were still resting. Hard to believe it was only yesterday that we stood in the temple of Torm, when it felt days past. I was consumed by my thoughts, and there were many, from Sir Crownsilver's conversation on dinner and romance, to Billy and the others… To Jonas, and all that had changed us over the months…

‘Shar is such a . . . bitch.’

He had spoken through gritted teeth, his anger justified as pain got the better of him, despite my efforts to be gentle… and I held no qualms, despite being unused to my dear brother’s … strong words. His hand had gotten worse. Significantly just since the night before. Black inky trails ran up his arm, wrapped his wrist, and swallowed his gnarled hand in shadowy rot. Drastically more worrisome than it had been in the past, and much worse from the day he gained the wound. It seemed ages ago…

Beset by madness that day, the downward spiral he had been in since drawing Auriel from the darkness that was Shar… was threatening to drag him to oblivion. He had fought against me that day, but not of his own mind. I remember the moment when both my arms were grasped. The sleeping toxin I had thought to buy myself some time with, was short lived in his celestial blood, and both his strength and his madness were apparent as he gripped my arm and lurched at me, dagger aimed dangerously.

That moment of panic, when I did not act quickly… He would have killed me then, if not for his own strength of will and defiance… For at the last second, the deadly path the dagger took, instead stabbed the hand that grasped my arm. This freed me, and gave me time to over power his will, putting him to sleep, so that Auriel and I could push Shar’s taint from him… but not before she could curse the wound. A reminder to those who would defy her as Jonas and I had done already several times past, and would do several still yet…

This moment now, among them. I called on my prayers and will. Jonas would not permit the sacrifice that a Miracle would ask, but if the spread of taint could not be halted, he would loose the hand, arm or possibly more. The wound inflicted on himself rather than me, and by all the Mercies, great or small, I intended to see it set as right as I could. And it was proving difficult. Small progress, some but not enough. It would take will, and stronger prayers…

‘Jonas… if this doesn't work to halt it… Extreme measures will have to be taken.’

Measures he would never allow… which means he would lose the hand, and there was no guarantee that in taking it, that the taint would be stopped from spreading. My jaw was set, and I was unwilling to accept that measure of defeat. I -would- at least, see it slowed. Jonas frowned at my words, but nodded.

‘I understand.’

‘Forgive me… because I know what I am about to do upsets you…’

I focused on the hand… and as I readied to channel, to push head on, the shadows in the wound… I could not help but despise the shadow… Despise the goddess I so readily opposed.

‘Shar… as you say… is such a--’

I stopped and cleared my throat.

‘She seems to forget how stubborn I can be…’

I finished instead of entirely mirroring my brother’s sentiment. Though, no doubt my true thoughts on the matter were more than apparent. The effort that came next, wasn’t wasted… though it was hardly an absolute victory. Evident, as he now fumbled to strap on a shield. Still, with time he would regain some strength in the hand. For now and always though… he would need a better way to grip the shield, and at least now he had some movement in his fingers again.

I helped him strap on the shield as we readied to go south. I would speak to Bentley, because now that I thought of it… my anger clouded my judgment, my thoughts and emotions allowed to rule me then, fueled my anger. Now, Ilmater’s words found me again:

“Do not let your anger rule you.”

And I had… That anger hiding from the things that should have been apparent. Something that night, was not right. So, steeped in worry and thought… inklings of guilt, we walked south. I was intent on at least apologizing… it all needed to be made right again. So we moved southward to the inn. I felt bad for putting this off… I should have already gone to speak with him… In hindsight, one can look back on events in infinite clarity, and as events unfolded… so did my guilt.

It was vaguely apparent that something wasn’t quite right. Even for a high strung gnome with a brand new business, he seemed… off. Subtle differences, nagging ones, and to most, unnoticeable. If not for the fact that I consider him a friend since the siege… possibly beyond my notice. So we conversed. My own words were somewhat apprehensive. The nagging sense that -something- was going on… just beyond my eyes… and my own guilt, which was bothering me greatly


Bentley… dear… Speaking of guests… I was hoping to speak with you about the other day.

"Hmm? Oh. That. What.. ah, about it?"

‘I was… unduly harsh perhaps, neglecting some fundamental… questions. Do you have time to sit and talk a bit? I do apologize for my outburst though.’

"Yes, Saint Merielle, of course. It's in the past, and unimportant now, really."

And there was the straw that broke the horse’s back… Saint Merielle. Saint. Ms. Williams before the wedding. Mrs. Silene after… and that was so long since he had been so formal. I was ‘The Saint’ when he spoke of me… but always to him I was simply ‘Merielle’… My unease grew as Jonas took the initiative to ask the less easy questions… and I watched. Little things becoming blatantly obvious. The normal tics that Bentley often exhibited were lacking, and in their place, a whole new set of … oddities. The further Jonas pressed… the more obvious it was. Suddenly, Jonas was ‘Sir Jonas’. Bentley seemed so obsessed with the day to day, and his mannerism glossed over the Red Wizards much the way one overlooks a splinter…

I prayed. A soft prayer to unveil my eyes. Jonas stepped forward and regarded Bentley, cueing slowly to my thoughts and feelings. He regarded the gnome… asking him the question, though he glanced at me, and I could not halt the very slight shake of my head. Because almost as soon as he asked, I knew the answer. No… No it wasn’t.

‘Otherwise, is everything alright?’

Before Bentley could answer, the prayer took hold. Things became startlingly more clear… or transparent at least. Bentley’s form was translucent… the magic laid bare… a doppelganger. And as quickly as the mystery started to unfold… He was gone. Took from his pocket a stone that transported him away beyond our grasp. And with him, our answers.

A search of the inn revealed little, save that no one had been in Bentley’s room in at least two tenday. The tell-tale layer of dust speaking volumes in the silence. Nessie it seemed had been charmed or something. She was out of sorts, and a bit dazed, but otherwise unhurt. She too, seemed oddly transfixed with the day to day running… more so than would be expected of such laid back folks. She complained of not sleeping well, and of the cook being cranky for at least a tenday, possibly closer to two.

Something had happened two tenday ago… just before the opening, and until we figured out what was going on, and found Bentley… the answers would elude us. I gathered some things from his room, and we left the inn. We were not any use as tired as we were, and we needed to scry. We had little other option but to rest, and send word over night. Hopefully we can get some answers soon.

I cannot help but be upset at myself for not noticing sooner… for letting my anger rule me to the point that I was angry with Bentley over the wizards, rather than questioning why he would do something so… out of sorts. I prayed his forgiveness could be had… and that Mercy kept him until we could find him and set it all right. Anger can be a dangerous thing… and I prayed now, it hadn’t cost him his life.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND FIRST ENTRY]
Subject: The Friendly Arm Inn Incident
IN THE SHADOWS OF DRAGONS: PART TWO
Doubt…

The days have run together already, punctuated by worry and more worry. What started with a letter… has become somehow, more personal… and what started as a disagreement over business… has turned into a missing friend, and work of a cult. I’ve barely slept or wanted to. How many times had I gone down the stairs, only to look on each smiling face of each child… to see each well. Ali has agreed to stay and help with the children, and with her Inara. It isn’t until I see her resting peacefully, cloaked in spells, next to her dear mother, that I find peace… In some measure at least. Only to go back up the stairs and look on the face of my sleeping husband. Impossible promises, I had swore to the cruel voice that sought my thoughts. I had been aware of the pain Kelorin caused for Jonas… but I was starting to understand it personally.

It started with a letter. Amid worry over Bentley… At the time we still awaited word from someone willing to help us seek Bentley. We still believed that Thay was playing a ready hand in some unknown plot. I was disheartened to hear from Jonas, that Dajala was… less than eager to help. She had changed so much, and to be honest… I was still wary from her behavior over Soulkeep. Wizards… do they all go mad in the search for power and knowledge? I was starting to think so… Sad though it were… the only magus I could say I trusted unquestionably, was the one I was sister to by adoption.

Sister Dearest…

Never had I -hated- such an endearment from any… Yet to hear Jonas’ twin say it… My skin crawled. How could he even be my brother’s brother? By blood alone and definitely not in deed. Certainly not in heart. No. I refused to acknowledge it. Somehow… I would help Jonas be rid of it… and in the mean time. We had only to protect Inara and Tessian.

Still the tone of the letter worried me… and as much as I knew it would upset Jonas, he needed to be aware. So it was that I sought him out. I found him, with Tomar, who was… struggling to endure. Mercy bid gentle counsel in this. He was at odds. His recent quest left him less than whole, and it was something that even I could not mend, much as I may have wanted. There was more to it, I could see it in his eyes. But he would speak to me on it when he was ready, and no sooner… if he chose my ear at all.

Jonas knew something was amiss before I even arrived, and now… the concern was clearly etched on his face. I hated when I worry him. Goodness knows the last thing he needs is more worry for my sake.

‘What is it?’

‘I need to speak with you... but it can wait until Tomar is tended. And the other things you have need to see to.’

I bit more conversing and Tomar was given the time and space he asked for… Taric offered to leave, thinking himself imposing. He said something about me being upset.

‘I am not upset.’

‘You have always been a terrible liar, Meri. Besides, you cannot lie to me.’

He tapped the side of his head and gave me another look.

‘I speak no lie.. I am not upset... I am ... Worried. There is a difference.’

Not really… but for the sake of my argument there was. My dear brother saw through the technicality all the same.

‘My mistake.’

I winced. I was trying to buy time rather than inflict more worry on him so swiftly, and all I was doing was putting off the inevitable and worrying him more. So I drew from my pocket the letter that had lead me to seeking him in the first place. Hesitantly I handed it to him. As he read the letter, his worry contorted to rage… barely controlled… deeply seeded, anger. I tried to calm him, even though I hated myself for bringing it to his attention at all. Still, from what Jonas had told me of Kelorin, this was the wisest course of action. He shoved the letter back in my hand, he regarded me with a guarded expression, but even then I could read the emotion there… without knowing in my heart and mind how angry he was.

‘He can’t hurt you.’

‘No but he can hurt you.’

‘That doesn't matter. He won't touch Tessian either.’

‘Jonas. You. And that does too matter. To Me. Do not push me away in this.’

I regarded Jonas, and he me, and once again it was a battle of stubborn wills between brother and sister. To my surprise, a voice much like Jonas’ answered through my thoughts.

"Oh, but this is what he does. I should give you fair warning, sister dear, that if you warn him, or any other, that I speak to you, your niece's life is forfeit."

I froze. Dread crawled up my spine as anger flared briefly. I knew not what monster he was… but he was no brother to Jonas. No brother to me. A bane. And one I dared not call bluff to until I understood better that which I faced.

‘I do not mean to push you away.’

His voice and expression softened, and then he spoke to the others.

‘I have a brother. . . Well actually I have many, but only one by blood. He is my. . .twin. I suppose you could say that all the goodness of heart went to me, and he was left with the remainder. Long has he tormented me, and I have endured it. We have even fought, a few times. But now it seems he wishes to bring Meri into it.’

Tried though I might… I couldn’t quell the emotions fast enough. I was caught off guard. So long my thoughts had been my own… this was… unexpected. Troubling… more than a little worrisome. I feared for Jonas… for Inara and Ali and Tessian…

‘Meri, it'll be alright.’

He looked at me, his face a mask of compassion and worry.

‘Of course it will be alright, Jonas. I simply worry for you. You know how I am when threats are tossed about over family. Apologies, brother… I don’t mean to worry you unduly.’

‘He won't harm any of us. He isn't even nearby.’

"Not nearby, hmm? So little does dear Jonas know. I could be standing right behind you."

An insidious threat. An Idle one? I didn’t know. I half expected a dagger in my back for spite. I murmured a prayer, and readied for a strike from some unknown thing…

‘I'm not even sure if he is on this plane. When last we fought, he escaped through a portal, somewhere. Not before we did considerable damage to each other though.’

"Luckily for me, I regenerate on my own. One of the many perks of making a pact. I'm good as new, whereas Jonas is damaged, as usual."

I flinched and tried to keep my focus outward. Jonas flashed me an odd look.

‘Maybe a nice walk will do you good.’

‘Perhaps.’

"Oh, I dabble in other things too. Such as the search for divinity. Did he tell you what I do? Blood drinking is crude, but I've found a strange delight in it since making my pact. Tieflings bring me so much closer to my goal, though I suppose I could settle for an Aasimar. Perhaps little Inara won't set me back too far in my quest."

I shuddered… fortunately Jonas didn’t notice as he spoke and moved to the door…

‘Let's get out of the city, at least. It's stifling to me today for some reason.’

I wanted, to run home… Scoop up Inara, wrap her in prayers and hide her away. Instead I just nodded, chewing my lip under Jonas’ intensely worried gaze. We walked and agreed to check on the orphanage first so I could leave instruction with Juna. Vauk was there and we made arrangements to seek Bentley… from Candlekeep the next day. When we were alone, Jonas regarded me again.

‘Alight, what aren't you telling me? Was there more to the note?’

‘No there wasn't more to the note.’

My focus was bad enough off, I hadn’t hardly slept since the night the wizards were in the Inn… and less so since Bentley was discovered missing.

"Safe and sound, I do hope? You cannot keep them in there forever, sister dearest."

I halted, my hand on the door, and looked about. Finally I stepped away from the thresh hold, and into the rain. We walked slowly.

"Will you keep Tessian locked away too? He was so very easily influenced in the past, I can't wait to see how he responds now. I hope he truly loves you, Merielle. I do. You only barely held on the first time, and what I will do to him will be so much worse. Watching you go mad with grief should destroy dear Jonas."

The truth of the words… painful as they were, and as much as I would like to see it as an empty threat… ran through me as surely as a blade of ice had torn through my stomach. No. Tessian was safe. I needn’t worry. Yes he did love me. I learned from the last time. Demons can’t sway my conviction, and through it all, Tessian’s heart remained mine. This viper that called me ‘sister dear’ and sneered it so… he would meet a swift and merciful end… Likely at Jonas’ hand. I would be there. I would see that Jonas fared better in the next fight… My thoughts rambled on and on…

“You would have liked Melian, I think. I never cared about her, I must admit. I only did what I did because I knew Jonas secretly cared for her. Alistaria is even feistier though; she'll be even more fun to play with. Actually, I should have thought of this before. Maybe when I'm finished with her, and Jonas murders someone again, he'll finally fall for good. Third time's a charm. Just food for thought, sister dearest. Sleep well.”

Already our walk was done… and we were back at the orphanage… I had dodged much of Jonas’ questions, and answered with careful truths when I could not. Sleep, yes. We both needed it. I wasn’t sure if I could find sleep after a gallon of tea… but I must have napped a bit finally, just before the sun rose. When I woke, it was only early morning. I tended breakfast, left instructions to keep Inara’s mind protected. Jonas had left already, and I went off to find him.

Instead I found Jonas, and a crowd. Some legal technicalities I could not follow… Conversations I could not focus on. I kept glancing toward the inn, presently being run by Nessie alone. Praying for Bentley’s well being… and begging forgiveness for my own short sided temper… Among a dozen or so other worries…

It wasn’t until a barely conscious woman was lain at my feet, several months with child… That the world snapped sharply into focus. The details didn’t matter… the conflict didn’t matter… My exhaustion ceased to be an issue… the worries fell away for the time… I tended her. Worried more for the unborn child, as the woman’s injuries were no longer grave… I feared the child lost. I steeled my heart for the news I dreaded to give.

By all that is Mercy… Ilmater’s hand was kind, and I was able to offer her good news. Not without gladly given cost from Jonas and I. A request made to the heavens, to the Broken God… to mend that which was shattered. Much to the mother’s joy, that request was answered. I left instruction for her to rest and take care as she still had a few months before the child was due.

There was some questions that needed answered, Torm, by Jonas’ hand would see those answers found truthful, and there was a swirl of disagreement that I could barely focus on. We stood on the roof top of the inn… but my mind was elsewhere. It walked a darker path, laced with shadow and hate and blood and grief. Could I ever look at these lands and not see the pain and death that took place here so long ago… though it felt it was only a tenday past… The pain of it all written on my heart as surely as Bhaal’s high priest had left his mark on my face… Ilmater’s gentle comfort was mine as the landscape suddenly became a meadow filled with laughter. I watched, tearfully, as Billy and Dianne played among the wildflowers. My tears wiped away by small hands and smiling faces, and I took the comfort offered gladly as the arms of Mercy wrapped around me.

How long had I sat there? It was dark when the rain roused me from my meditations, and it seemed like ages had passed in a moment. I couldn’t say who I had spoken to, or what was said… only that there were a multitude of conversations that were lost to memory, and that things were as mended as they could be. I made my way from the roof… the inn was empty… utterly. My thoughts drifted again to Bentley as my eyes looked over the dust laden floor… I prayed for him then. I prayed he would return to the inn… well and whole. The inn? Dark, save for the light that passed from Ilmater to me… and silent. How long had I sat there? Did I sleep? Was I dreaming? The voice of a wizard incanting drew my ear, and down to the common room I went.

They were surprised to see me there… Valerius, Auriel, and Jonas. How long -had- I sat on the roof-top? The common room was untouched. The inn abandoned. Cobwebs had begun to touch the idle corners. A very thin layer of dust… a day or so? Two? Collected over things. I was bid to join. Pleased as I was to accept the offer from long absent friends… there was ill news to come. Very ill news.

Valerius spoke of the dead goddess of dragons… Tiamat. A brief history lesson as to how she died. And then on to news that he had uncovered while he was away. A cult existed that wished to see her raised… She who is called the Nemesis of the Gods. She who was slain by Marduk, an aspect of Bahamut… She who was called Queen by the evil dragons. Powerful as she was, and vain, her tenure ended. Not for long as this cult would wish it.

Valerius said they were very strong, and from what he learned… they stood the chance to succeed. Which would bode gravely ill for the realms, not just the coast. As if that were not bad enough, Valerius also said they stood a chance to bring and Avatar of Tiamat to Aber-Toril… a living, walking, ill-willed, dragon goddess… Further conversing lead us to think that it was somehow tied to Bentley’s disappearance… and beginning speculation that Thayans were merely a ruse to send us looking the wrong way… Only way to be sure would be to find Bentley. Valerius agreed to help. So it was set that we would all meet at Candlekeep the next day. We would scry for the dear gnome… and pray for the best. I could not help but worry for the price the lands had paid the last time the wills of Gods and followers were defied. Jonas tried to be reassuring… I prayed.

My ill thoughts lead to a misunderstanding… another. Mercy forgive me. Still, this time I knew better than to lose my temper, and left before things became irrevocably harsh. Some things are not meant to be my task. Judging among them. Though, as much as I hated to think… they were right. It had been proven time and time again how terrible a judge of character I was, and the more I thought on things, the more prayers sought me out.

Safely home, and soaked to the bone in rain… I changed into dry robes and made tea. Not a thing was out of place… everyone slept peacefully. Sleep would not be mine to have this eve. My thoughts churned and roiled about restlessly. My guilty, prayerful musings were cut short by a voice…

"You know, sister dear, I wish Jonas had adopted you into the family years ago. We've missed out on years of getting to know each other."

I knew all I needed of the snake. I warded myself, and he fell silent. I slept for an hour or two under protection of prayer and spell. I woke only to see the moon staring at me through the window… I sat to write, but couldn’t focus… So I dressed and cleaned, first every inch of the orphanage, and when I ran out of things to clean there… I went to the temple. I cleaned until there was nothing left to scrub… And then I walked. Faith is strength, and I took solace in prayer. But the more I walked the more my thoughts turned inward. I was frustrated with myself. How many times would I fall short of the title I wore… of the light above me? So many I had failed… Billy, Dianne, Emrys, Ian… the list goes on… so many I had misjudged… Who was I to be called Saint? So bound by human mortality… so blinded by the want to see more good in the world than there was…

Mercy forgive me… Guide my steps lest I falter. Guide my hand and my words and my deeds, lest I further mislead them, wrongly, if even by good intent. Mercy be with us… grant us your strength that we may endure our paths… For again… we walk in shadows long and deep…
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND SECOND ENTRY]
Subject: The Friendly Arm Inn Incident
IN THE SHADOWS OF DRAGONS: INTERLUDE
I shall leave you to your thoughts, sister dearest…

My thoughts returned to Kelorin’s words as I returned home at last. It was late, and everyone was asleep. I resumed my normal method of avoiding the nightmares that had begun to plague me again. It started with tea.

"You know, sister dear, I wish Jonas had adopted you into the family years ago. We've missed out on years of getting to know each other."

Yes… we had missed out… Oh how my heart breaks for such. My poor broken heart…

"Not yet. You're of much more use to me whole at the moment. The heartbreaking comes later. I still have Tessian, and Inara, and Alistaria at my disposal."

I winced at each name. He knew my thoughts too? Not just those directed at him? How had Jonas endured such things for so long… so silently? The Triad truly walked with him. By Ilmater he endured, by Torm kept safe, by Tyr his hand was guided

‘You have nothing at your disposal.’

"I can easily get to anyone Jonas is bonded to, did you know that, sister dear?"

‘I am not your sister.’

"I beg to differ. You took Jonas' offer to join a family. A family I am yet a part of, no matter how much Jonas wishes otherwise."

I hated the inky tone in his voice… were the words spoken with any good intent or kindness… you could almost call him charming and pleasant to listen to… Much like a viper. Beautiful to watch, cold-hearted, and deadly if you drop your guard. I hate snakes. I hate them. The figurative ones more than the literal ones.

'Beg all you want. You are still little more to me than irritating words.'

He chuckled, a cold dark sound in my thoughts. I heard Inara cry out in her sleep as Kelorin spoke.

"Watch your mouth, Merielle…"

She quieted as I neared the children’s’ room.

"Show proper respect."

The very real threat touched a very raw nerve. His tone was deadly serious, as the obvious implication hung in the silence. Swiftly and silently, I warded the sleeping angel, and her mother, both of whom were so very dear to me… I could stand much, as could Ali… but Inara… I made my way back to the kitchen. I would have to tread very carefully… Even warded, I was unsure if it would protect her completely… Jonas’ gift was just that, a choice and a blessing. Kelorin seemed to be using it against us. Viper.

"Just a nightmare. I could do worse if I liked."

He said it almost as he meant it to be consoling… but it was just another threat. I remained silent.

"Jonas doesn't talk about me much to you. I'm devastated."

‘And what would you have him say?’

I drained a cup of tea, barely feeling the warmth of the near boiling liquid.

"How much he hates me. How he felt when he found out it was me who slew Melian and he had committed murder. How it felt to fight me last year. Oh, you should have seen him. So valiant, the perfect knight. Two dead, him grievously wounded… How is his leg, by the way?"

‘He manages. And he has made mention each of those things. Feel better?’

"Not really. I don't believe you."

‘I’ve no reason to lie.’

It was a simple statement… the reply was not so simple. Jonas, barely alive… his ear bleeding profusely, eye glazed and whitened, so many cuts, but none so painful to see as his entire leg gone from the knee down… his arm from the shoulder down, nearly burned away…

“Not Pretty hmm?”

I tried to not give him the reaction he sought, but my hand shook as I refilled my cup. Furious that he would do such to Jonas… Furious he continued to torment him. Kelorin’s mercy would be swift… if we could but catch him. He would be ended… Jonas would mend… as he had before…

‘He mended…’

"True. Well, mostly. I shall have to do better next time. Kill the cleric first, so the damage can't be repaired so easily."

‘You'll not survive the -next time-. I am harder to kill than most healers.’

"He is slower and weaker than when we last fought."

‘He is stronger than you give him credit for.’

"He fell just the other day, don't you remember?"

I did remember. Foul demonic things that sought to destroy us all, there in front of Bentley’s inn… Again… he had mended.

‘A pause. Nothing more than that.’

“A pause is long enough. Long enough for me to Trap his Soul.”

‘I won't allow that to happen. I won't allow him to fall. Not to you.’

"Ilmater cannot always save him for you."

‘Then I will make sure he doesn't need saving.’

"How I do like you feisty ones. It is so much more enjoyable when you break."

‘I don’t break.’

My thoughts became consumed by the sight of Jonas… and Ali as a vampire. The pain etched in his face as he destroyed her… My heart wept for him. My precious brother. And this viper that dared call me sister… How dare he rub salt in an old wound.

“But Jonas does.”

‘I won't -let- him... that he did what needs to be done and still stands…He is not broken. He still does as needs must and faith bids.’

I shuddered and prayed he never needed to make another choice as such… It was then, after all this time… seeing it… like that… that I understood why Noric was so hard for Jonas to forgive… Mercy of Ilmater…

"But could he again? That event broke them both. She had already lost the baby she carried when he found her and took her down."

I swallowed more tea… though I might have wished it to absolve the lump in my throat… it did not. A torrent of emotions, for Jonas’ sake… and an anger and hate I reserved for so very few…

‘You do not give either enough credit, and take more than your due.’

"Oh, I had nothing to do with those events. I applaud the necromancer for his work, truly inspiring."

Viper! I took some small comfort in my next words…

‘You are still one for more than you are due. You would be disappointed to hear the necromancer sought redemption before his end.’

Noric had redeemed himself… if even not in his own eyes… as best as one such as he could have.

"I'm not taking the credit at all, my dear sister. I give it all to you."

‘To Me?’

"One by one, those around you fall. It is only a matter of time before Jonas joins them."

'They don't all fall...'

"Ian.
…
Emrys.
…
The girl.
…
The boy, what was it? Bobby?"

He knew his name, and I knew what he was trying to do... Be it because I was tired, or what have you, he succeeded. It drew ire… anger… I stood quickly to make more tea.

‘Ian chose his path... Emrys refused my help... the children are safe with the god that protects them.’

He chuckled, so cold was it that it sent a chill through me.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

‘I sleep well enough, thank you.’

“Liar. I know all Jonas knows… Remember?”

‘I said I sleep Well Enough... Not that I slept as well as he would like.’

The tea pot had begun to boil and whistle… after a moment I lifted it.

"I thought up a little bedtime story for you. A picture says a thousand words. Enjoy."

I sat down and readied to pour my cup of tea, only to be assaulted by an image that stilled my breath. Tessian lay dead on a table, chained to it… bearing many wounds. The brief image lingered just long enough to burn its way into my thoughts… the story there for the healer’s eye to see… the pain suffered. A dream was brought to mind… where I stood and argued with Fate itself…

[ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-SIXTH ENTRY]
…
‘I am still dreaming… Just let him go. Wake up Meri!’

'Think of how much pain has been brought on him already because of who you are. It wasn't fair. And it won't stop.'

'Yes it will. I won’t let it continue. Mercy of Ilmater. -Stop- this!'

I looked from Tessian’s anguished face to the figure, seeing it was not a man, but a shriveled woman. She shook her head at me.

‘I am fate. I decree that he will suffer. And you -will watch-.’

‘No I won't! Let him out!’

‘You can make no demands of me. I don't even exist.'

'If you don't exist you have no right to keep him…’

‘I have no right to keep him, you are right. But I have him nonetheless. Know this… You will either stand here and watch him suffer… … or you will leave him.'

‘I will do neither! Let him go!’
…

I prayed… How I prayed… that I could spare him more pain than I caused him… Would I forever beat my hands against bars, begging for his release from such pain? Kelorin had gone silent… He no longer needed to plague my thoughts… I wept, and prayed forgiveness for the pains that were caused for my sake or indirectly by my hand. He no longer needed to say a word as I slowly became aware of the tea pot that I had dropped… and the scalding liquid that had soaked into my robes…

I tended the burn, changed again… and made my way to the temple. My tears fell silent, and not even Brother Marcus dared ask… When the sun rose, I prepared meals, left instruction for those who needed it… and headed South, swift and determined. If I could do little else… I would see Bentley found, and returned safely. Mercy of Ilmater… Please keep your hand at my back...
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND THIRD ENTRY]
IN THE SHADOWS OF DRAGONS: PART THREE
Subject: The Friendly Arm Inn Incident
The Myriad…

Ali and I sat in the Candlekeep Inn, and I filled her in on much of what has happened of late. After the conversation with Valerius, it was, to say the least, a more worrisome set of circumstances. Though what anyone would want with poor Bentley was a loss to me. I couldn’t figure it out. There were pieces we didn’t have… important ones. And now… despite the worry that Thay was involved, there was also speculation that it was merely a ruse to throw us off. A vague one… but at this point it was too early to ignore possibilities. We had talked for quite a while on the nearly endless list of bad news when she looked at me with a raised brow. I dodged the topic of Jonas’ brother, barely. Then she really surprised me.

‘We should give our circle of friends something to celebrate to get our minds off the bad, I think.’

‘What do you have in mind?’

‘A wedding?’

I smiled faintly arching a brow. I knew the answer even as I asked…

‘A particular wedding?’

‘I might know of a couple who would like to remarry, actually.’

Her smile widened and I beamed at her.

‘Our trip to the north was just what we needed to renew our relationship.’

‘How soon do you think? I can have your dress made in about a tenday… The other plans too should be swift enough…’

‘The sooner the better, I think.’

The details unfolded before us. I asked her if Brother Marcus would be overseeing the cerimony. She answered me with a faint hopeful smile on her lips.

‘Well, I was hoping you would. You are so much a part of our lives that it would seem incomplete.’

I laughed cheerily. My mind began to work away from the shadows as I quickly ran through plan needs and other details, and nothing could make me happier than to agree to the request.

‘I would love to!’

She smiled brightly, and we giggled like children with new toys.

‘You need merely to tell me what vows you wish to use… whether or not you wish a Sacred Binding, and what kind of cake you want.’

‘Excellent! Now I just need to tell Jonas we are getting married in two tenday.’

“How quaint, a family reunion."

"You have wonderful timing."

My laughter stopped short a moment.

‘Meri?’

She looked at me with worry. Quickly I resumed the light air of my expression as best I could.

‘Two tenday should be plenty of time… And what color you want the dress?’

She smiled.

‘Plenty. And we would like the sacred binding, the cake we will need to discuss, and I have always wanted to wear a green dress. Yes, Jonas is just very--’

A subtle shift in her expression and I tensed. This time I was worried for her… though I suspected I understood the reason.

‘Ali? Are you alright dear?’

‘He has found a link to my mind.’

My frown deepened. What a snake.

‘He is directing his threats to Inara.’

And how I wished it was a dead snake… I hate snakes. Reflexively, I sought to protect her from evil influences. I also told her that I had left orders for Inara to stay well warded, though I was starting to wish I had kept one ‘Mind Blank’ Scroll with me.

"You're losing your grip if you think ‘Protection From Evil’ will do anything, darling sister."

“The prayer is habit when dealing with vipers."

"Love you too."

His chuckle echoed over her grumblings as he still troubled her which was quickly drown out as I called on stronger prayers.

“You don’t -know- Love.”

Finally the prayers cloaked her from him, and I continued on. Trying my best to not let him get ahead of our moods.

‘Anyway… A green dress?’

She nodded and went to get us both more tea, her own smile slowly returning. Blanketed in my strongest prayers, and untouchable by Kelorin's twisted thoughts.

"Ah, there you go. I can't get to her now. Brilliant, sister."

"That is somehow less of a compliment coming from you…"

“Why don't you tell her about what I showed you last night?"

"And give you grounds to say I told someone of our pleasant little chats?"

"Or I could just do this…”

Steeled as I might have been to his possible tricks, the image of Inara being pelted with the fell magics of a pact-maker, nearly stopped my heart. My breath caught, and a familiar anger that boils beneath the surface, began to churn. I hated to even think of children being hurt… let alone those I loved… The silence of an eternity fit in the moments that it took for Ali to cross the Tavern of the inn… get the tea and come back.

‘Meri are you alright?’

‘Just a little tired, I think.’

‘You are very pale.’

‘Well I have hardly slept, and done quite a bit of late.’

‘You should rest then.’

‘I am resting.’

I offered a weak smile, and she grinned at me.

‘As in sleeping.’

‘I am not sleepy, besides we were discussing weddings.’

She giggled, which lifted my own spirits a bit.

‘It is so exciting. I know I've done it once already, but I can't help it!’

‘I have grown rather fond of weddings.’

My half hearted chuckle was stilled by another image. This time, my darling angel niece, was hung and slowly choking. Screaming as her limbs were removed… I reached into my pocket for a vial of ginger. Already the bile rose and I murmured prayers to calm myself.

‘Meri, are you sure you are only tired? If Kelorin can get to me, he can get to you as well.’

"Miss me yet?"

"No"

I blinked.

‘I am fine dear. I assure you.’

‘Alright, if you say so. So, I was thinking about lemon poppy seed for the cake. I just don't know if Jonas would like it.’

‘I have yet to find something I cooked that Jonas didn't eat like a starving waif.’

I chuckled, unwilling to let the moment be utterly ruined. Our discussion continued about cooking lessons for Ali, and how Jonas would never go hungry again if we were both cooking for him. It would be something good for both of us I think, and give Ali and I something to do together besides our duties.

"He is fat and lazy enough as it is. Don't encourage it. On second thought, do."

"Quiet Viper."

I snapped shortly at him, and the conversation continued as the two of us ironed out the details for her proposed wedding. Our conversation moved to dresses. Light green… I had several fabrics that could compliment well. My mind whirled with designs and patterns that I envisioned for her.

‘Something that compliments you…’

She smiled and I mused… and Kelorin interrupted again. Thoughts are quicker than words, and in the time it took me to clench my jaw and drain my tea…

"Mmm. Ali doesn't have the most beautiful face, I mean, well, it's alright. But her body is amazing. No wonder Jonas is such a happy fool. Those Thayans sure taught her well."

That unleashed a slew of thoughts I would rather have left well enough alone.

"Oh, right, the Thayans. I forgot."

“What about them?”

"I like their style, honestly. They did to Ali what I did to Melian. Well, minus the impregnating part."

"I would hardly call it style…"

"Point of view, I guess."

"Obviously."

My tone was dripping with sarcasm. I loathed the man. More and more with each second.

‘You mean to tell me that you don't pull amazing dresses together on a whim?’

‘I usually can, though not always. Patterns and fabric… trying to remember what I have. I think I have some mint with lavender flowers… and some sea-foam green with… lace I think?’

‘Oh! That sounds lovely.’

‘I think I also have some silk… hunter green… not sure if it is enough for a dress though--’

"Bah, don't get lippy, woman."

I was presented with an image of all those I held dear… dead at my hand. It was… disturbingly detailed. Never the less… I pushed forward as we chatted about dresses and fabric. We agreed to go looking through what I had when we got back to the city. We talked about Inara being a part of the wedding. A pink dress, and how lovely she would look. My distraction was evident though, despite my best efforts.

‘He's in your mind right now, isn't he?’

‘I am … Tired.’

‘Jonas is right. You do not keep secrets very well.’

‘A lot on my mind. Not exactly anything in particular.’

‘Mm hmm…’

She suspected, but whether she knew I couldn’t say out right or wouldn’t… she turned the topic back to Tessian and I again.

"What a good little Saint."

He sneered at me.

“Not doing this for your sake."

He went quiet. I can only guess why as Jonas got increasingly more angry.

‘So…when are you and Tessian going to have children of your own?’

‘Soon… maybe when things are a bit more… Calm.’

‘When have you known things to ever be calm around here?’

‘True…‘

‘You will be an amazing mother.’

I couldn’t help but hope she was right… and I very dearly wished to find out. For whatever reason… it was not time for children. Yet. We finished our part of wedding plans, timely too, because Jonas and Siomir showed up. There was light hearted talk of weddings… and not so light hearted talk of Kelorin. The briefest of moments when I thought surely I would be cornered into an answer that wasn’t safe to offer, but Ali, acted mercifully and got Jonas and Siomir to drop the subject for now. The conversation rolled along pleasantly after that. Everyone seemed lifted greatly by talk of weddings.

After a while, Valerius joined us, having expected us already at the tower down the way, and he ushered us off to the Spellflicker Spire. It was crowded… the atmosphere of the room was… drawn. Cassia was there, Vauk, the guardsman Lucavern, Valqis, and of course, Ali, Jonas, Siomir and myself. The only ones who were to be present that couldn’t be or wouldn’t be, was Rith and Auriel.

We discussed what Valerius had learned previously about Tiamut’s cult, and about what happened at the inn… and how it was important to find Bentley. There was theorizing as to what they would want with Bentley… be it information of some kind… the location, the area’s history, both for blood and for odd planar events. More speculation over what Thay had to do with it… or not. It was a new location, full of people coming and going… would make activity of suspicious sorts… easier. Conjecture and such on the means of ‘listening to the region’ and moving information was brought up. Overall… poor Bentley had an ideal spot… for trouble.

At last, we made our way to the library, to a meditation room. Vauk had gotten a mirror, and we prepared. What we prepared for we didn’t know exactly. Times like these it was best to prepare for as much as possible. I had heard, and had so many bad experiences about scrying attempts, that I was very worried. Prayers and spells were called upon. The sounds of energy cracking through the air along with steady incantations. Blades were checked and rechecked… Armor fastened securely, and I checked and rechecked bandages. I counted and recounted supplies. I distributed some to Ali, and we waited while the trio of wizards, Valerius, Vauk and Cassia set up. To say the air was tense was an understatement.

Valerius asked me for the comb and brush, carefully wrapped in one of Bentley’s pillow-slips. I handed them over wordlessly, a silent prayer laced through my thoughts. Thoughts of every failed or mislead scrying attempt… every attempt that went badly. From Selah’s search for Dianne to our attempts to find Ian’s daughter Cora…

We all fell silent and watched as Vauk began the incantation over the room to warn us if something unseen came through the scrying attempt. Then we all eyed each other nervously as Valerius laid the mirror on the floor, Bentley‘s things atop it, and he and Vauk began incanting. Cassia stood close… intent on aiding if defenses proved inadequate. The two wizards hands on the edges of the mirror as the air crackled and buzzed…

Jonas’ demeanor remained calm and patient… in contrast to my own nervous worry and fringing impatience. He drew his sword and readied. We all stood ready. Ready for what, we weren’t sure, nor did I know for certain that we truly were ready for anything at all. The room was filled with light and sound, energy focused on the mirror, and beyond to Bentley… who I both prayed for, and begged forgiveness of… The ground we stood on shook mildly. Slowly the surface of the mirror shimmered and ceased to reflect… slowly, Valerius and Vauk fell silent, focused on the spell at work.

An image took form. Heart wrenched to see Bentley slumped over, my hope was exhausted… and not worse. Chained to a wall and surrounded by three, Bald, red-robed figures… Talking? No arguing… The spell had taken form -very easily-, and they seemed unaware of us. We all watched… making note of his surroundings and what was afoot. The muffled voices came into sharp focus with the image itself… he was in a cavern of sorts.

"Yes, but he outlives his usefulness, Erabrion. We should kill him and be done with it."

The woman spoke. Her voice shrill and demanding. To which her cohort replied chuckling…

"I don't know, Sirena, there may be some information left inside his knobby little skull."

"This creature has said all he knows! Kill him and be done with it. The sooner we finish things here, the sooner we can return to Thay."

She practically screamed at him… I wondered briefly if we had over thought… if it was in fact Thayans that were involved, thought the why escaped us. My mind pondered what I knew of the Red Wizards, and a new worry took form. It really was too easy. Deliberate. Red Wizards were not foolish. They would have known we would search for Bentley… expected Scrying as it was the most practical… and yet our efforts went unhindered. I tensed and murmured to Valerius and Siomir.

‘It seems… too easy… wouldn't they protect from scrying? They are Thayan…’

My voice was barely above a whisper… though we all seemed to share the same thoughts.

"Please, Sirena, you are too rash. I haven't ripped his mind apart, just yet."

The snake called Erabrion grinned like the viper he was…

"We kill this fool and we get what we came for, and we go home! That's the end of it!"

She screamed back at him, jabbing at him with her slender finger. Another question that I wondered at… why would spies use names? So openly? Unless they were false names, or another trick?

It was then that the silent third among the trio of Thayan snakes, motioned for the other two to be silent.

"Quiet, both of you. We have spies."

He looked at the mirror… the other two halted fighting among themselves and looked also… eye to eye, through the scrying… and they began to cast. We readied. I half expected a demon or some sort to be summoned and sent at us. Or any manner of ill spell to destroy those who looked too closely… Blades were eased from sheathes and readied…

The otherwise silent wizard finished his spell… the bickering pair, Erabrion and Sirena finished a spell and the mirror went blank. Nothing more to it. We looked over the trio of wizards, and we all looked confused. Why not halt us in our plans… ? Vauk and Cassia were blinded and deafened… a spell easily countered by a simple prayer. Other than that… our group was left unharmed. It reeked of a trap… but we were not willing to chance Bentley to death. So, we prepared. Valerius was fairly sure he could hone in on Bentley with a teleportation spell.

‘Now, last chance, anyone not interested in dying tonight can leave us … I have no idea what we are walking into. We may not come out of this alive.’

Valerius looked over the group. Jonas answered evenly, and my thoughts were on Bentley…

‘I am going.’

‘Mercy willing we will come out alive… and where Jonas walks, I follow.’

Similar accordance rang through the group. We would go, we would see this right. We prepared anxiously. Valerius readied, yet another spell. This time blades were drawn, and incantations prepared for combat. The incantation took form, a portal opening beneath us… we stood, hand in hand… and waited for what came next as we fell through the portal.

From the scrying mirror… we had began a path that lead us to a twisting labyrinth of what seemed like underground tunnels. Winding paths of stone and rock, though where we were exactly was anyone’s guess. We had a Myriad of questions… and very few answers. After a day lost in a myriad of thoughts… I felt this fitting… however dire it may yet prove to be. No one knew what exactly to expect. Still, we pressed very slowly forward. The dust settled from the spell and we sought to orient ourselves…
~~

//
Alright. This is shorter than I intended, but this is what I have so far. Lots of chat logs and screens to go through plus all the RL stuff… sometimes my eyes get white washed. Yes I know I am a bit behind on the Meri writing. Stay tuned. Should be at least two more parts in the next day or so!!
//

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND THIRD ENTRY]
IN THE SHADOWS OF DRAGONS: PART FOUR
Subject: The Friendly Arm Inn Incident
The Blood and Bone…

There would be no time to orient at all, for no sooner had our eyes adjusted, if at all, and the energy from the 'Teleport' spell faded… Sounds echoed off the walls and there was the smell of blood. Blood and dust and damp, chill tunneled, earth. I could scarce see what was afoot when I heard Valerius’ voice echo through the tunnels.

‘Gods! An ambush!’

A very short while later the Kobolds that had struck at us lay at our feet…

‘Not much of one… which is worrisome.’

A dozen or so… Maybe. I tended the wounds quickly, and scanned the faces of the others. What worried me is… I had never seen Kobolds so powerful before. Casting some rather strong arcane spells and prayers I was familiar with in name only.

‘This is not good. The ‘Teleport’ spell was redirected …’

‘No idea where to?’

There were similar echoes to Jonas’ question, as Valerius frowned, his eyes scouring our surroundings.

‘It looks like the same sort of area from the mirror … Maybe it was a hastily erected redirection. We may be near Bentley still. Especially if they are attacking us.’

We had caught them off guard a little then? My worries for a trap were quickly mounting as we looked about. A small thing to place one’s hopes upon… but I had seen through worse, darker spaces, with smaller bits of Hope’s light…

From the sounds of it… there were dozens. It also seemed as though our paths were blocked by foes in any direction. Cautiously we inched forward. The first group we encountered… Had us outnumbered two to one. To make matters worse? There were devils among them.

‘Gods! There's just so many of them.’

Already the strain of channeling was wearing on me. The Kobolds had powerful magic, divine and arcane it seemed, and the devil’s compliments of spells were troubling at best. The second group we faced, possibly larger than the sum we had faced thus far, and this time there were fallen to tend to. I mended as best I could. Valqis pointed out groups near and ahead of us… At least three dozen. Siomir confirmed there were at least that many to our left. One group at a time, he had said… and on we inched.

‘They seem to be seeing us before we see them. Or hearing us …’

We were surrounded. Dozens, probably nearing a hundred or so, in all ways but behind us, as we had left a trail of blood in our wake. And it wasn’t all the blood of our enemies.

‘I cannot channel much more. Be careful, and don’t get too spread out. Jonas, give me what bandages you have, please.’

He had already given me half of what he carried. Lucavern, the guardsman, had also given me some. Our faces, grim masks of determination. Armors were dented and scratched, blades covered in gore. I was starting to be glad that Ali had stayed at the keep. We were eight, some only moderately battle-hardened, and three among them, wizards. I had never before seen a wizard carry shield and blade, nor wear armor, as Valerius did. It was a novel sight. I had heard of Spellswords but had never seen Valerius out of his robes. We were already tired, and we had scant moved half way to our destination. I prayed we were going in the right direction at least… because if we had to double back, I wasn’t sure if I could see them all out alive.

Jonas peered around the corner, Valerius and Siomir close at hand. A large group ahead… larger than the rest… waited ahead of us. If the resistance we faced was an indication that Bentley was possibly nearby, then at least we were going in the right direction. I tended the wounds and looked over my supplies. My heart dropped. Already I was down by half my original supply, and could likely only muster the strength for minor prayers. We moved ahead.

All at once, they rushed at us. Kobold, devils, and these oddly winged things, seemed part dragon. Spell and sword rang out. I could not say at what point my vision narrowed so acutely to the wounded. I stopped seeing the foes… running through to the most grievously wounded, and dodging blows. The enemy had sought to divide us. I looked over the battle field when Jonas growled out, his mantle as commander, evident.

‘Hold a line!’

We were split. Between myself and the most wounded, was a tangle of magic, our spell casters and archers… and many enemies. I could see the glint off of Jonas’ armor. I heard Valerius call to Helm… Siomir was little more than a blur as his blades cut through as many foes as he could… We were outnumbered. I called prayers swiftly as I could, and found myself dodging the claws of a Devil. It sneered at me as it drew blood. I needed to get to the others!

‘Ilmater! Please! Your hand at my back lest they fall…’

It was a desperate plea. I barely registered the Devil’s look of confusion as Mercy wrapped itself around me. Sanctuary was given, and my foes could no longer reach me… Just in time. I looked ahead to see Siomir overwhelmed and Jonas nearly pulled to the ground by spells. A burst of speed Not even I knew I possessed as I moved to mend the wounds as best I could.

Finally, those who opposed us ceased to do so… We stood over our slain enemies… barely standing if you could call it that. I called on the last of my strongest prayers to return the fallen. My robes covered in blood. My hands cracked and bleeding. My bandages were running out. I prayed. We endured. By sheer faith and determination alone… we pressed on… Our arcanists running out of spell power, our fighters looking haggard, and yet we would not leave Bentley to these creatures, so we pressed on. But the question was:

‘Which way? I am hopelessly lost in here.’

Jonas looked to Valerius for an answer.

‘… I'm not sure. Let's stick together. Who is good in caves? Siomir?’

Siomir nodded, motioned us all in close and spoke softly. He still spit blood, and chased the taste from his mouth with his whiskey. I took the moment to assess the wounds of the others, and see to it everyone was patched as well as they could be.

‘A bit of a twisted route. Carefully, and slowly.’

‘We have to continue. We have no clues yet.’

The Tiefling magus looked up and mused… His words carrying a bit of foreboding, given the discussion of resurrecting a dragon-goddess…

‘…Big cave … with access …’

There was only one way forward now, at least… and the echoes of the tunnels promised a large battle… I gathered everyone’s healing supplies, intent on making better use of them, and was dismayed to see there was less than half what we used already. I prayed… oh how I prayed. For Bentley, for us, and that some how… I could keep them all alive despite the intentions of those we faced to keep that from happening.

‘Use bows! Draw 'em out.’

The tunnel was narrow… perhaps we needn’t face all of them at once. Many swords were traded at Siomir’s words, the very last of the wards we had, arcane and divine were called on.

‘Guard the archers, swordsmen!’

And then… the world was naught but blood. I could no longer see faces, only wounds. The group kept getting split by the enemy, despite calls to stay together, and even the most ardent efforts to do just that… We were exhausted. Worn thin and running out of resources.

‘I need more bandages!! Stay together! They are trying to separate us!’

I couldn’t even say where the bandages had come from, but there was hardly time to find out as the second wave of this battle unfolded. We fought again, until there was nothing left to fight, and our enemy lay in mangled heaps about us. Again the task of mending and recalling the fallen.

‘Time to move forward… again. Which is annoying, but I see nothing else to do.’

‘Mercy of Ilmater…’

‘Take great care, everyone. … Gods, where are you, you old gnome?’

They ambushed us from behind then, and nearly got the better of us… Nearly… Mercy willing, we stood at the end of it.

‘… Keep looking. It was a cavern. With chains on the wall.’

‘Everyone alright?’

‘More or less.’

‘Bently… I hope for your sake you are nearby.’

Indeed… I prayed strength and the will to endure… because at that point… The Hand of the Divine was all that was keeping me standing. Stubborn determination fueled the others, as did faith and heart. We readied for the final push, for now there truly was no other path but forward into the cavern that waited ahead of us. A gaping, black, maw that beckoned us forward with the echoes of our enemies…

‘Be careful, friends… My sanctum is gone… And I can call naught else.’

‘Jonas… this part will be fun. You know the disciples on Speartop on the cave?’

‘Yes.’

‘…Many of them?’

Valerius looked concerned… or maybe it was just exhaustion. We were all so tired and worn. There was not a spot of gray left on my robes. Blood of friend and foe alike… My hands ached and throbbed, blood soaking through the wraps.

‘Three ahead that I see… and there will probably be more.’

‘Let's rush 'em?’

I groaned. The half serious... half joking battle plan turned battle cry... This was our final push, no matter what was to come.

‘Jonas… I hate it when you say that.’

I smiled a bit and he chuckled. Stubborn as we were… too stubborn to die, too stubborn to give up…

‘Mm. I'll take golem form. I am not sure I will fit easily.’

‘Quickly, and do not stop. If we do, they will kill us.'

And Siomir was right. I prayed. Gathered the couple dozen bandages that remained… the very last of them. We looked at each other then. Silent nods, silent prayers, swift steps. It was only moments before the stone walls echoed with our cries of pain and determination. While the enemies pelted us with spells, our blades pelted them. One by one, they fell… When I ran out of bandages, I resorted to the very last of my reserves.

By the time we neared the end of the battle… I was no longer a healer, for there was naught else I could do… I closed my hands and murmured a prayer. If I could offer no other mercy… I would offer the enemies a swifter death. Finally… all was still. We remained, barely standing but victorious… and our goal, lay within sight. For on the far wall of the cavern was a cage, cots and such… and a wall with chains. We looked around… to no avail. Bentley… was gone. Valerius remained calm… almost cold, as he bid us search, and so we did.

‘They left in a hurry. They redirected our teleport, and they fled. They couldn't have gotten everything.’

Our search gave up little information… bones of things the Kobolds had been eating… I prayed from chickens and the like and not… something else. An exclamation of surprise as they came across words carefully quilted into a ratted blanket with tattered thread from another ratted blanket. I couldn’t help but smile a bit. Of all who could stitch… only Bentley and his dear wife had proven they could keep up with me. I still had the quilt they had made me, at home. The message on the quilt, sewn with what I hoped was just a chicken bone… fashioned into a makeshift needle that still clung to the fabric.

‘Someone spied on the dragon. They're talking about rescue. They mentioned spells. They are talking about taking me elsewhere. Please, whoever reads this, help me. They mentioned a castle. Something about frost giants --’

Bentley was alive… for now. They moved him instead of killing him. So the Wizard’s desire for more knowledge out weighed the other’s desire to kill him. I was grateful for that very small mercy… And we prayed for his sake… I prayed… for his forgiveness. We would check the Cloudpeaks… near where the White Wyrm resided, for that was the only thing close enough that fit. Absolutely spent, and with no other choice, we made plans to rest and re-supply. Valqis used some device that transported us back with nauseating speed. Disheartened we did not find him, hopeful he yet lived… we limped away to the keep.

I washed away the blood and changed into fresh robes after Jonas let me mend his shattered shield arm. I tended the remaining wounds after getting bandages from the infirmary. Eventually, everyone went to rest. I sat, and drank some tea, trying to quell the dread in the pit of my stomach.

Valerius was right… this cult we dealt with was involved… and unless the Thayans were a ruse, so were the Red Wizards. Though it troubled me. Thay’s arrogant wizards would not work to such an end… not unless it greatly benefited them. Nor would they work with the likes of Kobolds, no matter how clever… So what… was going on?

We would yet walk in the shadows of dragons… and I prayed. Oh how I prayed… that we would yet stand victorious over them… and not be crushed beneath wing and claw.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND FOURTH ENTRY]
IN THE SHADOWS OF DRAGONS: INTERLUDE
Subject: The Friendly Arm Inn Incident
Of brothers…In loyalty and blood.

I had been restless… I couldn’t remember when the last time I took more than a few hours sleep without strong tea. The nightmares had been getting worse lately. Of Billy and of Dianne… add to this recent jabs at other painful memories… My own mind spares me little mercy of late. The manifestations of conscious guilt, and self perceived failings. Sent spiraling down darker paths, by darker tides and events shadowed by pain and loss. My heart weeps.

The moon was high when I made my way out of the inn, I asked one of the arcanists at the keep to read a Teleport scroll for me, and found myself at the orphanage. The place was still, quiet as those within slept. Gentle kisses for the children, and none stirred as I moved through the room. Jonas’ birthday present still dominated the far corner. I smiled at the purple rocking horse fashioned of paper and paste. The room was in order. Inara sleeping peacefully, protected, just as I asked. Sister Juna on a cot in the other corner. She stirred and smiled at me, nodding. I motioned the dear woman to go back to sleep.

The rest of the orphanage was in perfect order. Only the thinnest layer of dust along the tops of the bookshelves and cupboards. I stepped up the stairs. Tessian also slept peacefully. I sat on the edge of the bed, and watched him sleep. So many fond and precious memories. So much we had come through, and here he remained. I leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek, not wishing to wake him either…

‘Aikatchya! I have ensnared a Meribird!’

He whispered as he wrapped his arms around me. I chuckled lightly at the long standing joke. It was something I missed, his arms. A welcome comfort. I missed his easy smile, especially of late. He makes so many things easier to bear. In the several hours before dawn, the moments of emotion given form, comforting words and simple kindnesses… I love him. So much. That love is a beautiful gift, and I promised myself again, that I would not take it for granted, nor surrender it. Somewhere before morning, I stole a bit of sleep, wrapped in the arms of my most precious mercy.

I filled him in on everything of late over breakfast… I felt bad that I had to mar such a lovely morning… and a lovely morning meal… with bad news… but as always, Tessian took it well. Well as he can, leastwise, with a nervous smile and a casual joke to lift my spirits. In turn, he brought me up to speed on all that had happened at the orphanage, explaining the spaghetti sauce on the walls above the window, and promising it would be cleaned spotless before I returned home. He loves the children. He does so well with them too. Gentle Tessian… Child at heart. I wondered over my conversation with Ali… He would make a good father too…

Once I had said hello to the children, and talked with Sister Juna at length, I headed to the shops to re-supply, and then to the temple. Things were similarly well ordered at the temple. Food stores were moderate, and Sister Addy said there was a great deal of traffic for meals of late. To be expected. I had her send word to our allies near by, again requesting food stores that were in excess elsewhere to help feed the population here. We talked a while longer, and I helped her serve the evening meal. It was after most had left the temple, and Sister Addy had gone to rest, that I decided to see to the dishes.

‘What are you doing?’

I stopped short at the familiar voice of my dear brother.

‘What do you mean? Just dishes.’

He sighed almost in frustration. I steeled myself for the ‘you work to hard’ debate.

‘Have you recuperated then?’

‘Enough. How is your arm?’

‘Decent. I long for a new apparatus to affix the shield to my arm.’

‘You need one. It is far too hard on your arm the way it is now.’

'I just dispatched a missive to Sembia.'

‘Oh?’

‘Yes. I need to verify Phillip's claim to nobility.’

‘A wise thing.’

He shifted his weight subtly, his expression, once again, all business.

‘How well do you know him?’

‘I have known him a while… My transactions with him were always honorable and well handled.’

I told him of the celebratory function I was invited to and offered him the note.

‘I can at least say that he had nothing to do with the poisoning of my tea. Since I am sure that question is on your mind.’

He read the note, brows furrowed.

‘How does this prove he did not poison the tea?’

'It doesn't, logic does. I know he didn't because the one that poisoned it was caught trying to do so again and… dealt with. The guards tried to take him peacefully but … well it ended badly Besides… Phillip is a merchant… He wouldn't do something so foolish to stop his flow of coin. And he is a Tea Merchant. Such a thing would be ruining. But it only proves he did not poison the tea. Not that he is a noble.'

‘When, and who did then?’

His demeanor was absolutely calm and even.

‘It was several months ago at least… some Halfling… Never got his name and I had never seen him before.’

‘I see. Forgive me, Meri, but I find myself looking to the people around you who I do not know as possible sources of villainy.'

‘I understand, Jonas. We both know I am no judge of character.’

‘You simply wish to see the best in people.’

‘Which is often a detriment, I know.’

‘Mmm. That is not the word I would use. But it does mean that it should fall to others to judge more dispassionately.’

I nodded slowly, frowning lightly. He was right. No longer could I view the world as I once did. There were ill folk aplenty. Being a free woman did not change that. I had left the temple in Trademeet a naïve and inexperienced child… things were different now. I knew better… and needed to err on the side of caution now, more than ever.

‘I didn't come here to berate you.’

‘I know… forgive me… I am second guessing myself again… It isn’t your words that trouble me, dear brother. You have spoken no ill.’

His expression softened as the corners of his mouth lifted slightly.

‘What do you think I should wear at the wedding?’

‘Hmmm. Well, I had given it some thought. Ali wishes to wear some light green… we haven't decided which yet…’

‘Hrmm. Well I am rather clueless about such matters.’

‘Don't worry once she chooses, yours will be easy.’

I began to take measurements so that I could make his suit.

‘Do you still wish purple?’

‘I have no preference. We have decided on the temple of Tyr after all. It is fitting.’

‘That sound wonderful. Very fitting I think.’

I nodded as I measured, my mind already working up a finely dressed couple for a fine occasion. The conversation took on an easy note. We talked of colors and suits and dresses and several other things related to the wedding. Even got into a discussion over how tiny I was. Of course the perception that my slight figure and nearly five feet of height is tiny, comes from the eyes of a giant Aasimar who stands every bit of six foot and four inches.

So it was, as we chuckled and chattered… that I was surprised when he leaned down. His face only inches from my own. His eyes… that always carried a smoldering intensity, seemed to bore into mine… Surprised as I was… I was unprepared for the direct question.

‘What has my brother said to you?’

Well played, my dear brother. Try as I may, there was no dodging that. After days of trying to pin me to a straight answer… I blinked.

‘Do not ask me questions I should not answer, Jonas…’

‘He has promised harm to one of us if you speak of it?’

‘I have heard many -promises-.’

‘He is powerful, without a doubt. But not so much as he lets on. Much of the danger about him is the mind games he plays.’

‘Jonas… You have told me of the battle…’

‘But he is no match for all of us.’

‘You or I or Ali or all of us yes… but not all so dear can … This… we should not discuss here…’

‘What has he shown you?’

I shook my head and glanced around, folding my hands in front of me. We left the temple with little discussion on a walk, and made our way to the Istari Tower. He lead me to a large room, full of the food that would fit in neither temple. Though now a large amount of it could be moved to the Ilmatari temple. We really were want for supplies it seemed. The room itself buzzed with arcane energy. It looked like it was meant to be a training room of sorts.

‘This room is. . .specially warded. It serves several functions, including spell chamber.’

He walked to the end of the room, near an odd crystal, the likes of which I had never seen before. He stepped into the energy that radiated off of it and… the bond we shared halted. I blinked with surprise at the sudden lack of calming undercurrent the connection graced me with. A bond that I had taken almost for granted. He supplied the answer and motioned me closer.

‘Anti-magic field. You should be able to speak freely. Even I cannot feel him in here.’

‘Even with the protections of the orphanage…’

‘I'm sorry, Meri. He can get to you through me.’

‘No… it isn't your fault. But… I worry for you and Ali and Inara. I've walked darker paths…’

‘He shows you things, doesn't he?’

‘Some yes.’

‘People you love.’

I hesitated… the hidden truths weighing on me for days now. But…

‘I spoke against him once… he made Inara cry… I've not done overly so since. Swore me to silence for her sake… I knew not what I dealt with so I erred with caution. Difficult but easier in knowing… they are false promises.’

I didn’t need the bond to read the -fury- the news brought to Jonas. I felt badly, but he had the right to know of it. I wouldn’t lie to him, and now that we could speak freely, even though Kelorin no doubt suspects we are up to something… There was no ducking answers.

‘I … don't mean to upset you. I've had her kept warded since. Mind blank as often as possible.'

‘That is how he is most dangerous. The rest of us can. . .endure. . .past what he shows us. Inara does not understand.’

‘I know.’

‘There have been. . .few nights, since I was a young man, in which he hasn't shown me things when I try to sleep. He no doubt helped my madness along. I know he helped to drive a wedge between Ali and I the first time.’

‘He intends to try so again.’

‘He already shows her to me, brutally murdered, almost every night. If not her, then Inara, or Harwin, or Doriah. You. Valerius. Auriel. The list goes on.’

‘How can I help… Truly… it is a burden undeserved. You don’t--’

‘I'll think of something. In the mean time, blocking me from your mind will probably prevent or at least blunt his influence.’

‘No. I will not let him drive us apart.’

He sighed as he regarded my stubborn expression, and finally he nodded.

‘Alistaria is of a like mind.’

I couldn’t help but smile.

‘We are both stubborn, red-headed, Ilmatari… and we love you dearly. There is no arguing. Long have you bore my burdens on my path… With me… not apart. This is no different.’

‘I can bear his prodding.’

‘And you have for far too long.’

‘I'll figure something out. In the mean time just. . .endure.’

There he goes with that ‘I’ again! Endure, yes, I will endure… as will he. But I am sick and tired of enduring while sitting on my hands and doing nothing!

‘Let me -help-, brother.’

‘I don't know how.’

‘We will think of something. Together.’

I regarded him quietly a moment. I wanted to lift it from him all together. I didn't know how.

‘They are false promises.’

I hugged him and smiled.

‘I know. If I didn't know, I would have given up a long time ago.’

‘I won't let you do that. I like you too much. Besides… who else would test my cooking if you were gone? Siomir likes it all too much… never tells me if I mess up.'

He rolled his eyes and laughed as we made our way out of the tower.

‘Half the Sword Coast would.’

‘Yes but I don't want half the coast in the dining room.’

Our spirits were considerably lifted. We laughed. He would go to the temple… and I would go home intent on some tea and some rest. Tomorrow we would return to Candlekeep.

I had just sat down and gotten comfortable to write when I was assaulted by the image of Jonas, in rags and chains, being taken to be executed. He was beaten and bloodied, his battered expression was one of defeat. His neck placed, just so… my mind filled with the image as the executioner’s axe drew down, a second later, his head rolling to my feet, eyes lifeless and void.

It only took a moment for me to see where the horrid thought had come from. Seems I had a guest for tea after all. But for me, as usual, all were asleep as the moon barely rose above the horizon, the last traces of dusk fading quickly. Sleep would not be mine again this night. I eyed the stairs and the door above me longingly.

“Impossible. Jonas would never fall so far.”

"This is what will come to pass if dear Jonas continues to follow Siomir's current path. Even our brother is not above the law."

"What do you mean 'follows his current path'?"

"He has agreed to aid the Elven sword master."

"He aids him frequently. I doubt it will be anything that causes trouble. Hollow lies or half truths."

"If he doesn't trust you enough to tell you about it, why should I?"

"Of course he trusts me. We've been busy and occupied."

"Something tells me if you had both been sitting around doing nothing, precious Jonas would not have told you."

"Why should I believe the words of a treacherous viper?"

"I have yet to lie to you. Dear Jonas, on the other hand. . ."

"Doesn't lie to me. And you are likely twisting the truth."

"Nonsense. He lies to you all the time."

"I would ask you to prove it... but it would just be more lies from a viper."

"How many times has he told you he is fine when he is not?"

"Likely as many as I have him… and we both know better. Besides… remember what we said about perspective? You like Thay, I hate them, and he and I have differing views on what 'Fine' entails."

"A lie is a lie, Meri dear. It is a wonder he remains a faithful paladin."

"That he is only proves that the Triad understands a merciful omission of specifics versus gross lies."

After all… in those instances… we merely kept the details of any trouble to ourselves. There was no lie told. I would not let him inch between us.

"You speak as if you do not believe your own words."

"No. You are twisting them. You are trying to add things that aren't there… doubts that we don't need."

"The doubts are there already. I try merely to get you to open your eyes."

I had doubts… many… especially lately. But I never doubted Jonas. Of all the faces that proved unloyal, Jonas remained forever unwavering.

"I've never questioned his loyalty or honesty."

"Perhaps you should."

"Because -you- think I should? Surely not."

I scoffed and drained the first cup of tea. His tone was acidic… and I was content thinking it was because I irritated him. I had checked on Inara. She was safe and sound. Jonas was right. We could endure it. That he could not touch the toddler resting in the other room was a constant comfort.

"Remember what I said about showing proper respect?"

"Threats do not earn respect. And regardless of what you say… Jonas has never been anything but loyal to me."

"Jonas was loyal to our old neighbor growing up, until the evidence I planted made it look like it was he who murdered Melian. Dear brother is more unstable than you give him credit for. In fact… I seem to remember him hurting Tessian pretty badly. That does not seem very loyal to me."

"As much as I love my husband, and as much as what happened was not his fault… Jonas' actions were justified. He apologized. Things are fine. He only acted to try to spare me further hurt. You are twisting things again."

"You were hurt when Jonas hurt Tessian. I saw, and Jonas didn't even notice. Or care?"

My jaw clenched as I emptied and refilled my tea cup.

“-Of course- he did. He even apologized.”

His darkly, insidious laughter filled my mind as I drained the third cup.

"I am so glad you are amused."

"This amuses me, you snotty, little, goody-goody wench."

My mind was filled with another image… one that I had heard the painful story with. Jonas, slumped on the floor, badly beaten. His armor was crushed in several places, it was a wonder he could still breathe. He looked up at Auriel who stood over him, madness gripped her, as well as a deadly calm. As if what she was about to do was little more than to swat away an annoying insect. Looked… the term used loosely as his right eye socket was little more than a mass of broken bone and swollen tissue. She raises the mace, and I could almost feel his despair as she brought it down, in the very instant… before it killed him.

In stark contrast to the image, Kelorin laughed as I flinched from it… I refilled my teacup only to find the tea cold, and set it aside. It tasted bitter as his voice weaved through my thoughts.

"That is just good comedy."

“More … difference of opinion…”

His laughter faded, and I could only guess that he had moved on to other amusements, and I prayed for whoever he decided to torment next. I prayed we could find him and end it. I prayed for many things. Among them, forgiveness. I prayed for Bently. Just before dawn, my prayers had turned to worry. I readied breakfast for Tessian and the children. Just as Juna woke, I finished my tasks. Little more than a nod to the dear Sister, and the answering nod, but we both knew each would tend what needed tending and speak soon… Out the door and straight to Candlekeep as swiftly as I could manage… Prayers for Bentley whispered with every step.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTH ENTRY]
IN THE SHADOWS OF DRAGONS: PART FIVE
Subject: The Friendly Arm Inn Incident
The Hidden

We stood, stunned, but alive. And this was only the beginning. Arriving via the device Valqis carried, and ready for a fight. Fight we would... We had fought for hours. Winged men, Kobold arcanists, Diviners, Devils, even Giants. They would attack from any direction. Our foot steps echoed oddly off the ice-laden halls. Wave after wave. Group after group. We had no idea where he was, which way to go. Every direction we faced large groups. Each time the fighting was almost too much. By the grace of the Triad, we remained standing. Every corner rounded was a battle.

At some point, I blacked out. The others said we had stumbled on a dragon. And in turn… it had delivered me a glancing blow knocking me unconscious. It left the details of the mission fuzzy. We nursed wounds and struggled to keep our bearings. They were cold, we were all tired, bloodied and battered.

‘What in the name of Mercy…?’

‘Dragon. We need to. . .find Bentley’

We stood in varying degrees of ‘barely standing’ when a cry for help reached our ears… echoing off the ice and stone.

‘Heeeeelp!’

‘Listen!’

Valerius tended Auriel. Cassia was looking about for trouble. Ali leaned on Jonas, Vauk was nursing a wound to the head, Lucavern seemed alright once the curtain of death was drawn back. Valqis looked very much like she would rather face spiders than be where she was presently. Siomir eyed the large room we were in warily. I struggled to shake off the confusion that had enveloped me. Bentley’s feeble call for help nearly went unheard.

‘Bentley?!’

I looked around for anything else that might want to kill us, Siomir nodded.

‘No more in here… look for the gnome.’

‘Which way was it coming from?’

‘Over here, I think.’

We limped over to a cage. This one was much better built than the last one… though it needn’t be stronger to hold poor Bentley. He was alive, thank all that was Mercy… barely. Battered, bruised, frostbitten and horridly thin, likely exhausted and dehydrated, various cuts and scrapes. His hair matted in one spot from a head wound that had since stopped bleeding.

‘Make sure it is not another doppelganger.’

Jonas’ words halted me in my tracks. I had been so glad to see him alive… that the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.

‘Look closely with Mercy's eyes, brother.’

I nodded to his wisdom and murmured a prayer.

‘Someone examine it for traps…’

The poor Gnome gained some energy from the sight of possible rescue. He was understandably impatient as we looked over the cage for any manner of ill trick. Siomir and Jonas made ready to tear the cage apart. Ali and I assessed his wounds… the others kept watch. We all half expected another ambush, in truth, after the way our luck had run thus far. Through it all, my heart dropped clear to the frozen floor when Bentley asked where his wife was…

Why her whereabouts had not crossed my mind sooner? I couldn’t say. I felt terrible. I had assumed… wrongly at that… that she was away or at the temple or some such… Never that she too might be in danger. I hadn’t been back to the inn hardly at all since Bentley was found missing. I didn’t even think to ask Nessie when the last time she had seen the woman was. I prayed not to have to add her to the long list of people I had failed.

With Bentley freed, and the worst of his wounds treated… we made ready our exit. Valqis got the device ready, and a swirl of nausea later, we were safely in… a portal room? I really don’t like wizards… Don’t they ever just -walk- anywhere?! There was talk of planar pockets and contraptions of all sorts… and a portal later… We were safe and mostly sound, in the Spellflicker Spire.

We took Bentley to the infirmary, where he promptly fell asleep. I treated the frostbite and such, allowing him to rest. He would need food and water and rest… but he would recover. We had all been spared an Icy Death at the hands of these cultists, and/or Thayans or cleverly disguised vipers.

‘Be wary the snake who will look you in the eye… But is the viper that strikes from the shadows, hidden, that will kill you, for he bites when you are unaware, and unprotected. Be wary the grass…’

How true Brother Dracius’ words were… and how fitting. Vipers. If what we had gone through to recover poor Bentley was a sign of things to come, we would need many vials of anti-venom. A storm loomed over the horizon… Shadows and ill whispers sought purchase in the lands again. We would need strong wills and hearts, sturdy faith and light of hope to endure and emerge when the storm had passed.

I found myself tending Jonas’ shattered arm again. And I found myself… angry. Not at Jonas, but at myself. I was afraid. Afraid that while I could trust him, and trust Siomir, that the viper Kelorin was would somehow poison things… some how set whatever task they were on to failure. I was angry that I didn’t know what to do. That I didn’t think to consider Bentley’s missing wife. So many failings at my feet. I was a fool. My place was to mend and to guide and I was proving inept at both.

Instead of fixing his hand so he could fight proper, I was, for the second time in as many days, mending shattered bone… worse than the day previous. Instead of reuniting husband and wife, he was clinging to his existence, had we not come when we did… it would have been too late… We could have come sooner if I wasn’t so quick to see only what was on the surface. That is what Brother Dracius truly meant. Be wary the grass… be wary what was on the surface. Instead I had, for far too long, brought the vipers to my heart and bid them bite.

They discussed ways to find his wife… possibly letting Bentley help focus for her… if he was strong enough to help with the scrying. I made plans to return to the inn and see about finding something of hers. I feared that if we waited for Bentley to recover enough to scry, it would already be too late. Still, we decided to wait and discuss it when we were all better rested.

The others were mended… Save for Jonas’ arm. And my frustration was taken out on him Finally, my fears were given some form of thought… but not truly enough, and I had yet to actually put them to words. I didn’t fear only that we would face more than we could walk away from… I didn’t fear only losing more of those I held dear. I didn’t fear only what I did not understand or see or know how to fix… I feared that I had left something important untended… and it would cost us greatly. I feared that I was held in a regard higher than I was due…

I winced as I had to set the pieces of Jonas’ arm back in place before the healing prayers could mend them properly.

‘Sorry…'

‘No way around it.’

‘If you would let me -fix your hand-.’

‘You will not call upon miracles for me.’

‘No, instead I shall mend a shattered arm after every single battle we face.’

I worked… glowering. As gently as I could… but the arm was so broken… Jonas, remained stubbornly silent.

‘Last one… yes… Four of them this time. You know each time it shatters the bones will weaken?’

‘Save. . .your. . .breath. . .’

He spoke through teeth clenched in pain. I spoke in frustrated anger… misdirected though it was. My temper was riled… And now… now there was naught to do. If this was the only way to see to things, fine. So be it. I needed to stop being so meek, so naïve. I needed to see to it that we could all do our best, to face whatever was to come. I feared… what was hidden. If it were a sacrifice, truly, I would not be allowed to do such. If it was something I didn’t think needed doing, I wouldn’t have offered. I continued to work on the arm, as quickly as proper mending would allow.

‘Stop being such an oaf!’

My tone was sharp, but the arm was set, and I prayed. He sighed in relief as the pain subsided.

‘Thank you, sister.’

‘You're welcome.’

I glared at him.

‘How am I supposed to do this -every time-? And what if you get in a fight and I am not there to mend it?’

What if you get into trouble and I can’t save you… I thought of Ali, and Inara, Siomir… all the others. What if it wasn’t enough. What if I lost them too? I had already nearly lost Tessian, more than once. Jonas nearly was lost to assassins. Ali, Inara? Siomir Joan, Valerius, so very many dear ones… What if I lost them like I had Billy and Dianne… or worse, lost them and they not be waiting patiently for me to return to Martyrdom…

‘Where you walk… I will follow… what you ask… I will do… but… please… Be careful.’

I whispered quietly, I wasn’t angry at him… I just wanted to make sure he would survive what I feared was going to be greater than all that we had faced thus far.

‘What is it?’

‘I am always careful. Fate seems to be stacked against me half the time.’

‘Then stop playing with half a hand of cards!’

I glared at his injured hand as I whispered agitatedly. He wasn’t even paying attention. He had joined a conversation about women’s hair color… and said something about blondes.

‘What in the name of all that is Mercy does that have to do with your hand?’

He ignored the question. At that point… he gained my anger.

‘Jonas Rokranon!’

He blinked in surprise and looked down to me. I glared up at him. If I was going to be angry… -Something- good was going to come of it.

‘What are -you- not telling me? And why won't you let me help you?’

‘There is nothing I am not telling you, that I can think of. You have helped me more than enough. No more weakening yourself for me. I will find a way to keep the arm from getting injured thus again.’

Was that sarcasm? I mean I should -hope- he would try to keep from shattering his arm. It can't be fun.

‘Jonas!’

How exasperatingly STUBBORN could one Tormite be?! I glared over at Siomir and snapped.

‘Siomir!’

Jonas quirked a brow and Siomir looked over shocked and a little worried.

‘What?’

‘Come-- come… smack him in the back of the head because I can't!’

‘Oh. Right.’

He stood and sauntered over.

‘Calm down, Meri, goodness.’

‘Don’t tell me to calm down! I help how I choose!’

Siomir pulled out half a blasted tree to thump Jonas with. As I cried out in alarm, he gently tapped Jonas with it. He then put it away and proceeded to watch rather amused as I continued my tirade. Jonas rubbed his head as though Siomir had walloped him with it, right proper… More sarcasm.

‘Oh you are -both- Impossible!’

Siomir slapped his own hand tauntingly.

‘Bad, Siomir… Bad!’

Now I glared at them both. Siomir, ever one to add fuel to a fire, smiled and winked.

‘Blast it all Jonas!’

‘What has gotten into you Meri?’

'Its bad enough I have to suffer the things I cannot do a thing about, and who said you could be so blasted stubborn. I -know better-, Jonas. And if I didn't truly wish to see you well I wouldn't offer Faith has nothing to do with it this time… it isn’t Duty… I want to help! And you won’t let me. All because you don't want me 'draining myself' for your sake. Stop being such a proud old fool!’

I stomped my foot, and regarded him. His heavy sigh and the look on his face more than I could bear even if I was angry. So I hugged him stubbornly.

'It's not pride, it's. . .a reminder. "Vel validus cado".'

‘I have reminders too, dear brother… seldom do they cause me pain. They have yet to keep me from my duty.’

His hand is… was… would. I said, as best I could… all I could say, and glared at him.

‘Are you done?’

‘May well be … you don't seem to be listening anyway.’

I sighed in defeat. He rubbed his forehead and glanced me over.

‘I think it is you who are hiding something from me, actually.’

‘I worry about you. I am--’

How to put it into words? It wasn’t just his hand… or his brother or my failures… or even what was coming. All of these things.

‘Yes?’

‘I'm- So much of the time I feel… I don't know like all I do is sit on my hands when I should be doing something. I can't help but wonder what I need to do differently now so that I don't keep… loosing people. And it doesn't help that of all the things I can't do… you won't let me do the one thing I can.’

My anger faded quickly as I regarded Jonas. He nodded.

‘Ah. Fixing my hand is that important to you?’

‘I just want to be certain that nothing happens to you that can‘t be mended. I can better do that if I know you are well.’

‘I had no idea you dwell on it this much.’

‘I don't… mean to, but… its one thing… I can do … to help keep you safe. I do so little…How many, Jonas… of all the faces that have crossed my path… how many could I call friend, or dearer? How many are lost due to a wrong action or inaction or misplaced trust? I feel like most of the time I sit on my hands and do too little…’

‘Sometimes we can influence events, sometimes we cannot. You did what you could for all those people. None of them met their fate because you sat idly by.’

Auriel stepped from the inn and joined us quietly.

‘And what of yours?’

‘Last I checked, I yet live.‘

He looked at Auriel.

'Am I dead?'

‘One never knows…’

She smiled a bit and so did he… and odd joke, but fitting given the things they had been through.

‘That isn’t what I meant.’

‘I am in no danger of falling, either. I can see many things clearly that once I could not, and will not allow myself to be brought so low again.’

'What if something happens, and I am not there to mend it, and the difference could have been decided now? By an action I did or did not take this instant?'

'Do you doubt my resolve?'

‘No. I doubt myself. I know my judgment has been clouded by many, many things and mislead by many people. What if I miss something important that leads one of you to harm?’

‘The battle was grievous, as I said it would be. I would have faired no better had I been ten years younger and never injured.’

‘It isn't just about today!’

‘Then you owe it to yourself to ensure that your eyes stay open.’

‘And if its too late?’

‘What do you mean? What are you afraid you've missed?’

‘If I knew I wouldn't worry for it so.’

Doubts fears, questions I had not given form before were asked. Auriel and Jonas, with a patience I usually possessed, but was lacking at the moment… explained that I had my faith. I could… even when I could not trust myself, trust my faith. Faith is strength. For all the titles I wear, for all the regard I am held to… I cannot save everyone… especially those who do not wish to be saved.

I was reminded that it is my place to do my best, to lead, not to walk their paths for them, though I might wish to, if only to spare them some unkind fate. I was reminded, most importantly, that while I wear the title of Saint… given to me by the church… by my peers… The true mantle I wore, shone above my head. Guiding me… reminding me that I had stayed true to my path. True to my task… and so long as Ilmater saw fit to bless me with such… I had not strayed beyond redemption. I had not lost all hope or all means of saving who I could. I had not lost my faith… for my god had not lost his faith in -me-.

‘I understand I think… I… forgive my temper… my frustrations were misplaced.’

‘The apology is unwarranted. It shows you are still a mere mortal, and have your own weaknesses. I…do mean that in a good way.’

‘There is nothing to forgive. My own irritations were focused on the situation at large, not you. Accepting our own weaknesses is the hardest part.’

‘Thank you, both of you… for both wisdom and kindness.’

‘Get some rest. You'll come out the stronger for this.’

‘I simply fear repeating past mistakes…’

‘I know. But you are aware of them now. You know what to watch out for.’

I hugged each, and regarded Jonas.

‘Which is why you will let me mend your hand?’

‘Which is why I will let you mend my hand.’

I smiled and hugged him again. Not the most graceful way to win an argument… and certainly not my most shining moment… But things tend to work out as they should… And now that I remembered that, I was better for it… And exhausted.

‘A Mercy to me… whether you see it or not.’

‘Get some rest. We'll work on it once you've recovered some strength.’

‘I will, Jonas. Good night Auriel. Mercy keep you both… And Jonas. Be wary of the path. I fear for something… Hidden.’

He looked at me oddly but nodded. I couldn’t give it more form than that. I couldn’t give it more thought. I couldn’t think straight. I went to the in, ordered some tea and a room. By the time I had finished a pot of tea and a bath, I braided my hair and dressed, climbing into bed, and slept as though naught in the world could wake me… And in my dreams, that twisted among memory and though… turned to nightmare and made monster of things past and things gone… There was a new fear… With every step we took, we risked the viper in the grass.
~~